Solitude is Good

I have decided to come up with two new nicknames just in case I need them. I guess it would be quite obvious how I got them:

"Raygon"

In fact, I shall start using it starting from my blog. Heh. =)

Argh can't stand writing the long report anymore. Shall just spend the next 30 minutes or so blogging. Somehow blogging when I am completely alone can help me be more truthful with myself. Now where to start...

Guess shall start from yesterday. After all, I did promise myself to blog about it.

Yesterday was physics AP mock exam. As I mentioned in my previous post, I completely effed it. End of story.

After physics was... nothing! Chinese teacher didn't come, so we got it free. Heh, not bad for a mock exam week. After that was English. Luckily, today we're watching a movie: The Island. A movie with something to do with farming humans for organ transplants and other nasty bio-ethical issues. Yeah. Somehow I seem to have a knack for such movies. Those rather mainstream thrash we get every month or so are not even worth watching in the cinemas.

We wanted to stay on after English period, but Ms Lam insisted she have her DVD back. Aww... anyway after school me, Ying Zhen, Asra, and Royston Tan went to Nan Hua Primary for Outreach. Argh was hell trying to control those kids. Seems that our long period of absence has left us back at square zero. Talk about 5 to 6 weeks of effort earlier in the year all wasted. OK perhaps wasted is too strong a term. Lack of progress would be more appropriate. =\

Went Macs for dinner, and then the 4 of us returned to school. Ying Zhen and I headed to the auditorium for the promotion talk. Gary, Sam Wong and I delivered a short sharing with the parents about our experiences in NUSHS, and as always, Sam Wong and I overshoot. Could see Mr Lim *math HOD* and Mr Kevin Koh smiling in that weird-ed manner. Haha... aiyah. It's just me and Sam together what. What else can I say? Could have dragged to 9pm though. XD

After that we went back stage and Prof Lai was sharing with us stuff about organic chem. You know, I sort of find it really fun talking to Prof. You can always expect something new and interesting to learn from him. Heh, am somehow finding myself becoming more and more jealous of Mikel's IR. XD

Then after the talk YZ, Andy, Gary and I stayed behind to talk to some of the parents with their children. We're chatting with Mr Koh and Mr Suresh too, telling them about how nice it would be if they could lower the hostel fees for those students who are genuinely interested in the hostel programme. Yup, no joke. I am talking about actually wanting to stay in the hostel. I can safely tell everyone that I do not mind spending more time in the NUSHS hostel. After all, I get isolation, almost zero disturbances, and... more isolation. I feel like a hermit. =X

I study better in such conditions anyway. What can I say?

The only thing I regret is that hostel rooms don't have air-con. Not that I was expecting the school to build air-cons for every hostel room, but well... that would have been something nice to wish for.

Mr Koh and Mr Suresh looked very taken aback when they heard what YZ and I said about hostel. Apparently they thought everyone hated to stay in the hostel. Lol. Well they are half-correct I guess. I shall not comment on those people who prefer staying at home. I am sure they understand themselves best. Heh.

Got home and was playing Starcraft again up till 1am... bad for health. Hahaha. Bad Roy. =P

This morning I got up at 8.40am. Skipped breakfast again. So I went on my com to resume playing *eeks* and ended about 2 hours later. Started work after that, and was working for large part of the afternoon till I couldn't stand staring at my rather pathetic chem lab report and decided to go to Clementi Central for dinner.

Had dinner at KFC, then idly took my time to walk back to hostel. I tell you, that was one of the most peaceful and calming 30 minutes I have had for the past month. As I walked, loads of thoughts overwhelmed my mind; stuff from the past, stuff of the present, and stuff of the future, all coming in at random shots. I can't believe how much I have missed thinking about stuff because of school work.

It was wonderful. Stepping across the bend, I decided I wanted to take a quieter route back to the hostel, so I went to the back of the sports hall and walked along the small little pavement there. As I glanced to my right, I saw, across the expressway, west coast recreation centre plus Clementi stadium, where there were people jogging on the track there. Suddenly, my mind went reeling back to Orientation 2007, how Cai Yue, Yun Ying, and I just sat there attending to the Devil Toad station for the year 1s... how little they looked back then - and still look the same now. Heh.

Then I turned my head and came face to face with the swimming complex. My mind jumped to late last year, when we were still year 4s taking the swimming programme. Haha... those days where Oli, Dom, CP and I always slack and swim together, the sprint CP and I have every week to see who can swim better... Haha. CP's quite a good swimmer, or it is probably just me who's slow. =(

Walking down the slope and taking the right turn, I strolled along the road alone, thinking about the good times when Mikel, CP and I could walk down this road together after swimming every week, drying ourselves out and laughing, carefree, without a care for everything (okay maybe not, I still remember those times when we had some test after that and we were fretting all over). Those carefree moments... How I miss them. I sighed.

There was a small badminton court in front of me. *zoom* and I found myself staring at images of Year 2s a year ago, in Initium: Orientation 2006, playing some obscure game which I can't remember the details. Initium... oh Initium. New school campus, LJN, evil genie in the bottle, and P. Lai and all... Haiz. Seems our Student Council has travelled far since we first started in 2005.

And how much have I actually contributed to it? Nothing. I am nothing more than a piece of trash slacking among others who work trice as hard and handle the same academic workload as me. I feel so useless.

And as I crossed the bridge I stared at the sky and quietly asked myself - and God - what did I want to achieve in life. Was a paper chase satisfying enough, or do I want to do something more worthwhile, something that lasts, something... that leaves a mark. An impact. A change - and big one to add to that.

OK so I aspire to become a medical doctor. But what will I do after I achieve this? Is there still anything worth chasing anymore? Position? Fame? Respect? Money? Family? What exactly do I want to achieve after all this?

Think think think... and I found myself back at the hostel gate. *chain of thoughts break* Back to work...

I guess I shall just have to pray and seek God's guidance. Leave it to God and trust Him. *closes eyes*

My chemistry lab report awaits.

Ah sucks

Zzz... yesterday had AP physics. Horribly done. Was not even in the right form to do the paper... Die le lah. Never mind. At least it is just a mock exam. Get 4 also doesn't hurt (other than a slight pinch for my 3 MC module).

**rushes off to do the final chem lab report*

Blah this will take forever. Will update later. -.-

PHYSICS

Damn you physics. I would have blogged more today, if not for the fact that I will be taking the AP Physics B mock exam tomorrow... Which kinda sucks since it would affect our CA. =.=

Argh feeling like sh*t now. Can't help it, considering the fact that I just screwed the chem and calculus AP papers. Bah.

I would like to blog more on some thoughts I gathered today, but to summarize the gist of things, I shall just make two simple statements that I personally believe in:

1. When I do APs, I don't aim to get 5. I aim to score at least 95% and above, otherwise full marks.

2. When doing AP papers, if it ain't a 5, it ain't worth talking about.

Yeah done. I know it sounds lofty and high, but hey, I can't help it if I need to set my personal targets slightly higher in order to do better, right?

Sigh. Back to studying...

OK owned

OK ladies and gentlemen, this blog post is to inform everyone that we are officially owned for Chemistry mock AP exam. Yes I know the exam is tomorrow, but let's put it this way: We just did the MCQ set that was handed out to us, and apparently we didn't perform up to expectations. I am currently slacking, Eugene is freaking out, and we are sitting tight waiting for doom. Haiz.

We are so owned.

Will blog more tomorrow.

SHIT PHYSICS ON FRIDAY. DAMN. -.-

Thinking about those who're gone

Once again I am enjoying myself with the super high internet speeds at times beyond 1am, when blogger dashboard loads in a split second. Wahahhaha. Gay sia. Blogging now 'cos I can't sleep, there's AP calculus mock exam tomorrow, and I am in no mood to study anymore. Hmm it seems a lot of things are driven by my mood... e.g what to eat, the way I talk to people, what homework I do, whether I want to do any homework, etc. Man this is bad. Must... control... emotion. Objectiveness is key to a sharper mind.

You know, currently Eugene and I are addicted to Groove Coverage (for me, once again addicted). In particular, we both like the song Only Love. Talk about good techno music man. =D

Lyrics are up.

Verse 1
My friends do always tell me that they see you drop the top,
got a girl in every city flirting all around the clock.

Oh baby´s catching Jungle fever Jungle fever´s catching you,
should'nt try to tell me lies rather come out with the blues.

I got a feeling baby I lose control you cut my heart in pieces you crush my soul.
I got a passion baby I lose control you rip my heart in pieces you crush my soul.

Refrain
You can go you can walk you can run you can hide away,
then you´ll hear me say, it´s only love.
All the time that I cry that I die that I lost in you,
I´d always trust in you, it´s only love.

Verse 2
My man is creeping slowly day by day he´s knocking boots,
magnetizing all the ladies, will I pick my gun and shoot.

Oh baby playing with my warning with my heart you shouldn´t play,
cause I´m living for the moment so I´m leaving you today.

I got a feeling baby I lose control you cut my heart in pieces you crush my soul.
I got a passion baby I lose control you rip my heart in pieces you crush my soul.

Refrain
You can go you can walk you can run you can hide away,
then you´ll hear me say, it´s only love.
All the time that I cry that I die that I lost in you,
I´d always trust in you, it´s only love.

Bridge
When I feel so bad when I feel so sad I´m longing,
at the time we had the time I can´t forget

Refrain x2
You can go you can walk you can run you can hide away,
then you´ll hear me say, it´s only love.
All the time that I cry that I die that I lost in you,
I´d always trust in you, it´s only love.

Haha. Only Love. Rocks. =)

Guess what? Thinking of the song has once again brought me to two years back. As the time wheel turns back, I see myself once again in the old RJC campus at Mount Sinai, in the rather deserted canteen. sitting with Lippy and blasting "Only Love" on his speakers set up in the canteen - courtesy of ourselves for our personal (but not private) entertainment. Haha... the song rings on and on in the air. We're good friends, I can still remember those fine moments. Those days in 3-5, where we all slacked around and fooled around and all... Heh, wonderful days in 2005!

Now no more.

Lippy... I wonder how he is. I heard he is currently owning everyone in his new school shitless in academics. Heh, you go man. =)

Something tells me I kinda miss his presence. His large, impressionable figure, his eccentricness, his "style" of funkiness... Oh well. If only I get to see him again.

Speaking of Lippy, I am suddenly reminded of the large number of students that have left our school, especially from our batch. Thinking of each and every one of them either makes me shudder or cry... sorry. I am feeling emotional now.

Samuel... Samuel Tan. The poor guy succumbed to school stress. I really sympathize for him. He got retained one year in NUSHS, and now he's at a secondary school (which I shall not name) in Sec 3. Back to square one after two years? Nah I don't think so. That guy probably learnt so much more than school can teach him in two years.

Thejas... good friend, best representative of 304! A little ego at first, but in 2006 I recognised him as being one of the most sporting and helpful school mates I've met in school. Great sports player too, and IMBA BIO! Wahhh I miss his bio pracs! Hahahaha nah just kidding! He's in the US now, and taking the APs too. Wish him all the best in the US!

Derrick... man I don't know what to say about him. One half wishes to call him a so-so friend, the other half just wants to curse him as a self-centered bastard. Then again, I shall try my best to forget the darker side of him and think of the finer times we've been through together in school. I am not as close to him as I am with other guys like Ching Pin or Reico or Eugene, but he is still a great guy nonetheless - if you don't count the number of girls he's flirted with or made "mei"s with. Lol. He's now doing some self-study and vocational training courses. Haha... I really wonder where he will head to in the near future.

Jin Zhi! Loyal 305er, best in 400m girls B div for Fleming! Senior guide, and math very good also. Haha... now away at TJC.

Zhiqing, 01er. Eugene's classmate. Good badminton player. Don't really know much about her. Currently at TJC too.

Lip Tong AKA Lippy. I mentioned him earljer in this post. Can't remember which JC he is in now. Keep owning and stay original man! You go master pimsta! *sigh thinks of the good days in 2005*

Cheryl... another 05er. Best runner in school. Heh, oh and a nice PSL too. Lol... she got herself a place at HCI now. Good for her lorh. Wish her (and Shaun) all the best. =)

Jane... Don't really know much about her. Quiet girl. Wonder where she is now...

Tat Leong... man that guy left school really really early in 2005. Never knew him. Heard from Ying Zhen he's a real good basketball player though.

The last person... damn I can't remember who. Think think think!

Oh wait. There ain't anymore...

91. 91 left standing. How many more are going to leave us? I hope no more. More people leaving would only leave me with even more fragmented pieces of the times we spent in school, especially the 304ers. *keeps my fingers crossed*

On a side note I think some of the people in my cohort really need to be kicked out of this school for good. They don't even deserve a place in this school anyway, those useless assholes. Curses and swears.

Anyway, off to bed. Good night! *and keeps my fingers crossed for mock exam tomorrow*

NUSHS Official Opening

*Damn I was posting on this yesterday, but fell asleep in front of my com. Now lost my entire post. Restarting from square 1... Sigh.*

Yesterday was official opening, which means... no lessons! Yeah! =)

Haha anyway, Eugene and I woke up early today, because we had to do chinese oral. Went down at 7.30 for breakfast, before going to the staffroom to meet our chinese teacher. Argh, my oral sucked: 12/20. Horrible score lah, but heck. I kinda given up on chinese already. Sick of getting horrible marks anyway. =\

After oral, we went back to hostel to slack a bit. I was playing Starcraft (again), while we was happily watching Bleach. Afterwards I stopped and began work on the Pre-U Sem presentation script - which was not too bad since I did half of the work at 2am the night before. XD Work work work... until about noon, when Royston, Alex, Leonard, Eugene and I went out to Clementi Central to grab some lunch. As Eugene and I already ate pizza the day before, and Leo wanted to go somewhere serving cheap food, we went to Sumo-House while Royston and Alex went one floor up to Pizza Hut. We met Debra and Tricia there, along with some teachers in a nearby table. Lol.

After a quick meal and koping Royston's last piece of garlic bread, we headed back to hostel again. I resumed work, and Leo decided to pop by my room to chat - the guy must be bored lah, no one playing Starcraft with him. =X I work until damn sian... No fun at all.

2pm... 3pm... dozed off a bit, until Mikel suddenly called and asked where I was. When I said hostel, he sounded a bit shocked and said I was supposed to be in council room for briefing for later's opening ceremony. I immediately abandoned my workstation, changed out, and made a dash for the council room... thank goodness I stay in the hostel.

And once again, I was the last councilor to report. =.=

Subsequently, I decided I had to make myself useful, so I tagged along with a couple of guys to head out to the concourse to lend our hands over. The rain and wind was horrible; it kept blowing the panels over and wrecking some of the more fragile exhibits (e.g. Dr Seah's spider web). Had to run up and down to fetch down some tables as heavy weights to prevent the panels from falling over. Sigh... I guess this is the price for a more "open" school campus. =P

Nearing 4.30pm, I ran back down to the council room to get changed into blazer wear. Haha was supposed to be a VVIP "shadow" (which means I got to stick around with a designated VVIP). Haiz. Then we went to the auditorium to sit and wait for everything to begin. Being blur me as usual, I found myself walking out to the hall, and back to the concourse, and finally back in the auditorium, when my job was as simple as waiting at the porch. Haha. My bad. -.-

Afterwards, the ceremony began. It seems that the school indeed has put in a lot of effort into planning for this opening ceremony to be a mega-event, considering how many booths have been put up, as well as the amount of $$$ that went into contracting the external organizers to run the show. Heh, if only we got the same kind of treatment during other events such as SLI or what-not... Tight budget hor. -.-

Never mind. Moving on, the events during the concert were quite cool lah. Dance club's SYF piece was real sweet, though I think they could have been better at coordination still, haha, but good enough nonetheless! Drama club's play was damn lame, but quite amusing lah. And as always, Dr Wong-led school orchestra was in top form. Go Dr Wong! =D

And omg, the school mascot is finally realized... an emperor penguin. A GREEN and FAT one to add to that. x)

I wonder when the school will be ordering the costume for the school mascot. When they do, I swear I will volunteer to be the school mascot, Gary will design a penguin cheer, and Kenneth will personally get down dirty into cheerleading for the school penguin cheer. XD

After the concert, the atmosphere seemed to go down into a slow, spiraling descent. We led the guests through the exhibits and down to the canteen for dinner, while the rest of the councilors went to the hall to have dinner. We had a fun time pigging out at the hall with the remaining food, before going down to canteen to perform the final mass dance item. Haha and it turns out Sidwyn didn't dance with Aiwei after all. Aww... =(

After the event was closed (with Ken Wei running around like a frantic madman trying to find his team to perform the closure music piece), Council went back to council room for debrief, and helped to clean up the hall...

Hmm, Dr Seah's right. I wonder why is it only the councilors were left - along with a few other kind souls - to help clean up the hall, whereas the rest have already went back to sleep already. Hmm...

Oh well I guess it isn't in my position to question who should be helping out in doing this kind of thing. Council just has too much initiative for its own good sometimes.

Oh dear. Time to get to work on AP... mock exam tomorrow! Ah!!! >.<

Talk about gay internet speeds

Haha surprise surprise, blogging and using Gmail at 1.41am in the morning cannot get any faster. Signs of severe overload of the school server I bet. Haiz... if only our school had more money to upgrade the servers. =\

Anyway, I am feeling like a slack-tard (omg new term) for the entire of this weekend, considering that school opening is in a matter of hours. Tsk tsk, have been gaming for God-knows-how-long already. Bad Roy. Bad Roy. Hmph *slaps myself*

I think I better be a good boy and bring my lappy and foolscap to mug for AP in school tomorrow after chinese oral. Sounds like fun. And perhaps I should NOT bring my USB mouse down... tempts me to play Starcraft. XD

Haiz. Slept so much in the afternoon... better offset some sleep by doing the Pre-U Sem presentation. >.<

Oh dear...

Haha on no! I've not updated my blog for the past few days! Ahh! Better update now. =X

Been feeling really really lazy for the past few days. Though I am not directly involved with NUSHS opening ceremony, the past few rehearsals seem to have distracted me from work. Oh dear... how to study for APs like that? >.<

Nevermind. I guess we ought to let loose ourselves a bit, once in a while. I mean, it would not hurt that bad slacking for just one day... would it? Gee if I continue like this I might as well give up on APs le.

Not much time left... time to start grinding. XD

Anyway, this morning I left early for RJC to attend the Gavel Summit with the Gavel Exco. Spent the first half an hour socializing with the rest of the gavellians from the other schools - though frankly speaking I would not consider myself to have properly "socialized" with the others. Me = anti-social. Bleh, oh well at least Asra was there to do her job. =P

ROYSTON TAN. COULD YOU SET A BETTER EXAMPLE AS NUSHS GAVEL CLUB PRESIDENT?!

Wa lao eh. And I thought I was the anti-social one. -.-

Anyway after that DTM Richard Sng was speaking, and my guess was that he was owning everyone in the room shitless. Ouch. And Zhi Qi of RJC Gavel Club had to apologise to him in his speech. Poor him.

Broke up into groups thereafter for the school tour and discussion session with people from other schools. Got together to discuss some major issues that may be in our way for the success of the Gavel Club community, as well as how we can continue to improve and boost attendance rates and promote creativity within Gavel meetings. Quite fruitful (though it was mostly NATO), the session left me with a impression in my mind; some sort of drive to promote the Gavel way to the society at large; to spread the message so that when we say "we are from the Gavel Club", people will be able to recognise us for who we are and what we do. Heh... lofty aspirations, yet something worth working towards, especially for our NUSHS Gavel juniors.

After the Summit, I joined the rest of the Exco at Junction 8 for lunch. Discussed Council stuff with Royston Ong and co, and thought about Royston Ong's plans... I wonder how he will pull this off. Anyway, after that Gary and I took MRT back to school - where I fell asleep on the train. Heh, and we got back at 2pm for the rehearsal at auditorium. Gary rushed off to do his thing, while I took a backrow seat and watched the whole show run. I figured that I would watch it for a while, then go back to hostel to continue studying. Just then, when I was about to leave my seat...

An sms came. It was from Ying Zhen. "Are you in hostel? Mrs Phang wishes to see us immediately for ushering stuff."

Bloody brilliant. And from that point on, I was stuck staring at the rehearsal for the whole day. Thankfully, I brought along my laptop, so I could work on the speech workshop proposal. Now it is complete, and am in the process of emailing it to Dr Seah, though it seems Gmail is deciding to give up on me at this moment... Bleh.

Later on after rehearsal, the councilors went to practice mass dance item. Apparently, we are supposed to split into guy-girl pairing. Haha, and Sid is with Aiwei! XD Woohoo. And I like Dono's joke best. Whee. Damn mean lah, but I like it nevertheless. Poor Sidwyn forgot the steps too... Zzz. =\

Dr Seah, Mr Chris, Ying Zhen and I then went out for dinner. Heh, Dr Seah's so nice! Her treat! Haha I still find it funny that Ying Zhen's comment almost made Dr Seah not want to pay for the bubble tea... XD

Afterwards we came back for the full runthrough. Saw the combined cheer people doing their stuff. Great job guys! Woohoo, wish I was there helping the kids, but then again I know they are doing much better without me anyway, so yea. Haha. Great flying, Fibo flyers!

Rehearsal dragged all the way till 9+, when we councilors finally got to perform our item ONCE. So, we spent our whole day waiting for just ONE item. Zzz... oh well at least we had a fun time crapping around and telling lame jokes. I was happily irritating Fishie all the way with rather lame comments. Come to think of it, Ying Zhen was happily doing the same thing to her too. XD

Now finally back at hostel. Going to play Starcraft soon (no mood to study. Will do chem probably later at night)... and Gmail still fubars on me. =S

Everything will be just Fine

Heh tomorrow got two quizzes. Chem can pass I think, but physics I know confirm fail one. Haha... damn it. Oh well can only keep my fingers crossed for this one. >.<

Then happened to listen to a rather happy song by Relient K. Decided to post the lyrics here. Yup. Nice song. =)

Relient K - Everything Will Be Just Fine

Do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do
Do, do, do, do, do, do, do
Do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do
Do, do, do, do, do, do, do
Do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do
Do, do, do, do, do, do, do
Do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do
Do, do, do, do, do, do, do

It smells so sweet outside today
The sun smiles down, I'm in the shade
I sit and think about all my friends and how good they are
But when today is yesterday
I know that things won't stay the same
But I know that the memories won't go to far

Round and round the world will turn
Lessons taught and lessons learned
Jesus gets us through the good and bad times
He lets me know that everything will be just fine

Everything will be just fine
Everything is gonna be fine
Everything will be just fine

A year's passed since I wrote this song
A lot's gone right, a lot's gone wrong
But I know that Jesus has been there right by my side
And I see the sun still shines
It shines outside and in my life
And I know that everything is gonna be just fine

Round and round the world will turn
Lessons taught and lessons learned
Jesus gets us through the good and bad times
He lets me know that everything will be just fine

Everything will be just fine
Everything is gonna be fine
Everything will be just fine

Do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do
Do, do, do, do, do, do, do
Do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do
Do, do, do, do, do, do, do
Do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do
Do, do, do, do, do, do, do
Do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do
Do, do, do, do, do, do, do

Round and round the world will turn
Lessons taught and lessons learned
Jesus gets us through the good and bad times
He lets me know that everything will be just fine

Everything will be just fine
Everything is gonna be fine
Everything will be just fine

Everything will be just fine

******

If only I could say the same for my APs. Sigh. >.<

I. Need. Sleep.

Don't know why, it seems that I can doze off at any time of the day if you give me a monotonous surrounding and nothing to do. This is bad... unhealthy sleeping habits. >.<

Perhaps I must sleep more... bah. So much math AP. Physics confirm die le. >.<

Sian...

Haha today got 3 hours of physics. Got owned as usual. Got back both my physics exam papers with average marks. Can't say I wanna ask for more... not worth the score anyway.

Hmm, I should start getting to work with physics AP prep. Cannot afford to let the teachers catch me slacking. Haiz... Back to work.

Sorry

Seems that I had so much to do over the weekend. Well at least it was more productive being in hostel rather than at home...

In fact, I rather be in hostel. At least I get left out of ugly scenes back at home. Sigh.

Come to think of it, I am thankful that I was out this week. There are things which... well I can't elaborate in full detail here due to time constraints. AP prep calls...

Shall just make a couple of notes here and there.

To Ros, take it as I am begging you, please don't get yourself into any more trouble. I will be here for you if you have any problems in school or at home. Don't do this to yourself alright? I know I've been a failure as a brother, since I rarely get the chance to talk and guide you since I moved into hostel. That I cannot deny. I am really sorry for what is to become. I know I alone will never be able to replace the feeling which you seek, but please, I hope you will come to an understanding not to continue this, habit. It will not cure anything, like I told you before. OK?

To Dad, understanding kids is hard, connecting with them is harder, and convincing them seems almost impossible, but that doesn't stop you from trying. Given you character, it only means you will need to put in more effort and creativity to get to know your kids better; to understand their problems, to share their weal and woe and not just scold or beat them at your will. She is not your punchbag. Don't abuse her. If you think that it's her fault she is what she is today, all I can say is that she is a reflection of how we brought her up as a family.

To myself, I know my life ahead is full of challenges and I need to make its worth. Considering everything I have going on for me, this could well be a perfect opportunity for me to get too complacent. Nevertheless, I must learn to suppress this attitude and maintain a courageous and strong outlook in tackling the obstacles in the working world in future. And I know I will be able to overcome them. I have faith - in God - that He will give me the strength to fight my fears and shortcomings. I will overcome. You will see.

And... a personal note to myself that even the strongest of will break at times. It is not a shame to cry before your parents in fighting for what you believe in. There is no shame to crack under pressure. There is nothing wrong with shielding your sibling, even if this would implicate yourself. And most importantly, crying is not a sign of weakness, but an indication that I understand my stance and am emotionally attached to it.

Even big men cry. I will overcome...

Sis don't do this to yourself again. Ever.

Big bro will always be here for you. OK?

I hope she's reading this...

... damn half an hour doing a post. I am sure slow man. Must learn to speed up my blogging. >.<

DSTA interview

Whoa. Today was one really messed day... sigh.

Had to leave school for DSTA interview early in the morning, at around 7.30am. Went to the mainroad to take a cab, but found myself standing at the same spot for 20 minutes without a successful flag-down. Then after that I decided that perhaps I should stay on the same side of the road as the school hostel, and lo and behold, an available cab came along in less than 3 minutes. Sigh. What a real bummer. =|

Only one word could describe me during the interview: Pwned.

When I entered the interview room, I was greeted by a middle-aged man, perhaps one of the key members in the leadership committee of DSTA. He opened the topic with some chat on my school's formal uniform - which he seemed rather amused at. Don't know why. Anyway, he then proceeded with the interview proper. This time, I knew he was unlike other interviewers, because he started with this question:

"From your report, I can see you have studied this history module known as Modern World USA: From New Deal to Big Deal". Could you explain a bit on what this module's about?

Sh*t. Didn't know how to answer. So I tried to beat around the bush, telling him the general history outline of the US at that time, but he cut me off and told me to answer his question straight to the point - what does the title mean to me. Gah, how does he expect me to remember something I learnt from history class one year ago, when I've already stopped studying history for more than 8 months?!

No matter. The worst part was that I answered him wrongly. He then calmly explained to me the "correct" intepretation of the title (more like just his intepretation), and told me that there are reasons why certain topics have titles placed like that. OK fine, like as if I didn't know about that.

The next question was even worse. He told me to share about some of my out of classroom experiences. So I went on with the usual chatter about character training as a leader, and how leadership cultivated in SC and other stuff will put me in good stead in leading a team in future. He sort of frowned at me and then questioned the relevance of leadership to research, how it applies to breakthroughs in science. Wow. That's deep. Nevertheless, I tried my best to offer my opinion on leadership in research, only to find that before I could finish, the man simply said,

*Shakes head* "Looks like you've had a wrong misconception about who are leaders in research and how they practice leadership..."

He then proceeded to explain to me (in a half-irritated tone) on how only the brightest can claim himself as a leader in research, and his leadership is nothing like leadership in other organisations at work. As he went on and on, I could not help but stare at him looking stupid and naive, like that of a six year old child being lectured.

The last part owned. He asked me if I had anything else to say. I tried to do some publicity, and got greeted with a backlash. "You sound very cocky when you say this. Are you sure or not? Cockiness will not get you anything when you are in situations like this..."

GG liao lah. Also broke down in front of the two interviewers. Bah. No wonder Dad used to tell me how some job application interviews can be so freaking tough to handle. >.<

When I got back to school, I was only greeted with weird stares and silence in the chem classroom. They had a spring quiz on them. How brilliant.

Turns out Mrs Phang already announced the news to the entire school when I was away at DSTA. Oh well. A shame I was not present at that point of time. Reactions would have been interesting to observe.

Physics next. Thank goodness Mr Lim has completed the physics AP summary with us already. Dozed off as usual - bah must be due to lack of sleep. Then Mikel and I chatted with Mr Lim for quite a while after class. Haha thank God I passed Relativity, though score wasn't that decent lah...

Chem thereafter. Brain almost died there. Not that it's tough, but just plain boring. Meh. I guess sometimes it hurts knowing the content prior to the lesson. >.<

Math lesson. Haha Mr Lim Bock Boon rocks lah. Haha. Really! =D

I didn't get a chance to do bio prac, because I had to head off to MOE for a briefing half an hour into bio period. What a shame, though Zhao Ye said that the prac was quite disgusting. Hmm I wonder. =X

So much controversy, so much reality. So much that lies beneath the surface, this human world of lies, half-truths, mysteries, and endless surprises.

A twist of events

Wicked twist of events today. OK I guess I shouldn't be using the word "wicked".

After months of praying for self-forgiveness and acceptance, does this prove to be an interesting change of situation.

Perhaps having faith in God pays off after all. Praying for his strength, his forgiveness, his ability to make miracles...

There can be miracles, if you believe... I so believe. Thank the Lord. =)

Oh yeah, tai chi class today rocked. Haha too bad I ain't got the time to practice the moves, as much as I wanted to! Aww. =(

Screw Physics

Haha I don't understand why, but I seem to derive great pleasure each time I curse and swear about physics. Well at least it is inanimate. =D

Anyway, I guess today's A*STAR interview went so-so. Perhaps those fellas didn't like me when I said I wanted to enter pharmacology and research medicine.... they seem to be the type looking out for people to enter hardcore science research. Bleh. Oh well, I guess it doesn't hurt sharing with them my aspirations. Can only keep my fingers crossed now.

*thinks* At least now I don't have an insane amount of homework due tomorrow. Shall take my time to pour through my workload. And need to start studying for bio quiz tomorrow. Can't afford to screw up anymore quizzes. Damn.

Hoping for a respectable grade for my lab report tomorrow *fingers crossed*.

Damned to the Hostel

OK I found out why I am always so ineffective in studying for the APs during the weekends: I. Am. Too. Comfortable. At. Home.

Let's put it this way, each time I come home from the weekend, I sleep early (12+), and take super long afternoon naps on Saturday and Sunday (3-4 hours each day). That means a total of 8 hours wasted on naps during the weekend. This does not bode well for revision...

That's it. I've come to a conclusion: I will stay in the hostel over weekends, so that I can be a good boy and mug whole day without anyone disturbing me. Somehow, the atmosphere in hostel is good for revision. Or maybe if I am bored I can hop over to the Science Library at NUS and enjoy the aircon there while I mug. Yeah sounds like an excellent plan. Yay.

And perhaps I should not log onto MSN either. Sometimes chats can be a real bother at the wrong times... haiz.

Hopefully I will get more of my physics done. >.<

Speaking of physics, I better start cramming now. Won't want Mr Ang or Mr Lim to catch me napping tomorrow. Bah.

Really. Really. Tired.

(Yesterday)

Holy Thursday. The day before Good Friday. Ah a time for reflection and thought...

Yet I get none of it, I don't even get enough sleep these days, what's there to talk about reflection. Bah. Never mind. Guess life goes on...

Today the day started off at 6am for me. Had to wake up and chiong my chem lab report 6. Finished it just in time for assembly, but I think I overshot the page limit by 100%. Ouch. Oh well hopefully Ms Yong won't be too picky over the length of my report. Look, it was very difficult to have the descriptions and explanations of each test condensed without compromising too much of the details. Oh well, printed and submitted it anyway. Helped Ching Pin print his too. Still feeling bad for not having sent him my chem lab at sometime past midnight. Sigh.

Assembly, then P.E. Padded weaponry was fun as usual. Learn some simple protective manouvers and self-defence tricks. Unfortunately one of the instructors became unhappy, and suddenly stopped the class to tell us that we are "not being serious in learning this", and "you guys are not afraid of being attacked when you go out into the working world", and other negative comments. He even said that if we were not interested, we were free to leave since the training here demands a lot of disciptline. Heard somebody was being a toot and asking a lot of questions too. Haha, not to say that asking questions is bad, but you need questions to show you are actively participating. Overdoing it is bad.

Math next. Died since I never do math exam paper 1. Blah.

Then a break where I spent eve more time wasting on math file. . Files are stupid.

Chinese... English. Walah. The school work ends for this week. English seminar went fine I guess,though truth be told I really wished we could play Race Agasinst time with more with chance or by having more scenarios... Could only prepare SP stuff.

Then went for Pre-Uni sem meeting. Feeling damn down after that. Don't know why... could be Royston Tan's influence. Heh.Now 1255am, and I am too lazy to blog nor work. Shall go sleep now... so tired. >.<

(Today)

Went for mass early in the morning. OK not so early - 10.30am. Then after mass was ended, we (family) went out to purchase a new handphone for me. Samsung Ultra Edition 8.4. Yay slim phone, and the best is that it is FREE. Woots. Haha the only sad part is that I still do not have a 3G SIM card... Oh well maybe gonna get it soon.

Even more ironically, my sis is now holding onto the new 3G SIM card, when her phone is still 2.5G. Diao. -.-

Since I got back, I've been taking a long long afternoon nap. Slept 6 hours straight... Sleeping never felt so good before. Must be real fatigued. No thanks to school, by the way. Sigh.

Better start mugging.

Oh yeah, I still remember telling my sis one important lesson she must learn: Never. Ever. Trust guys to do things for you. You never know when a guy might turn his back on you one day. I don't want you to suffer when a guy does that to you. That, is the fate of those who are over-reliant on guys, thinking guys are expected to spoon-feed girls. I wish these people all the best in the future.

Guess what?

Guess what? I just finished editing and emailing the eugenol lab to Ms Yong (which I hope she will accept), touching up english seminar, and the rest of the stuff. Now, it is time... TO START PHYSICS AP PREP. HOW NICE. =.=

*poof*

Damn you physics

Argh, just when I started feeling better after rushing physics till 2am this morning, my day was ruined again.

Mr Lim's lesson. Still fine, got a little bit of homework and went on...

Mr Ang's lesson. Turns out I forgot to do everything he instructed. Now need to catch up on all the shit within one week. How freaking smart. -.-

Math. Even worse. Don't talk about it. I will pia finish it tonight, then go on to complete my work with physics...

Ah damn you physics. Why must you always do this to me? Sigh.

Hopefully I will blog again later... Tiberian Sun is fun! (a shame my com won't be able to support Tiberian Wars... Sigh. =(

Did somebody say a revolution,
or is it all in my head?
Is that what it takes to make a solution?
Your revolution...

Joy of helping

Whoa, I just spent like a hell lot of time helping some guys out with chem tutorial 2, guys like Theo, Royston, Reico, Si Ming, Nat, etc... took quite a bit of my revision time. But hey, it's worth it. Being able to lend my help to friends whenever I can - sometimes at the expense of myself - is satisfactory and good for both parties. Heh.

You know what? I suddenly feel much better that I am capable of providing aid to others. Not capable, mind you. I am sure we have dozens of such people in school, but actually capable to provide help. That, is something really different from just being plain smart.

The key in satisfaction lies in 1. self-satisfaction and 2. satisfying others. Only then would one be able to lead a fulfilling life. Big deal if you got good grades or good looks, if you are unwilling to share a good part of you to the society or community.

Would society feed a man who prides himself above others? Would society feed one who doesn't spread the love to feed others?

I thank God that I know how to help my friends in any way I can... hopefully.

Still, it is a shame that this ends with me delaying math AP prep and rushing physics AP prep. Haiz. Oh well. Worth it I guess. =)

Shall end this post with an absolutely great song. Good morning revival, Good Charlotte!! =D

Good Charlotte - Victims of Love

In the beginning, I tried to warn you
You play with fire, its gonna burn you
And here we are now, same situation,
You never listen, I never listen
Now I am thinking of a way that I can make an escape
It's got me caught up in a web and my hearts the prey
Do you really wanna throw your heart away, away, away?

Everybody's hurt somebody before
Everybody's been hurt by somebody before
You can change but you will always come back for more
Its a game and we are all just victims of love.
Don't try to fight it, victims of love
You can't decide it, victims of love, victims of love

Now you've back tracked
You're running away cause it just happened again and you just want it to end
Trying your best to not let yourself go cold, so cold.
Now you think about the things you thought you wanted to say
But when you open up your mouth it don't come out that way
Are you really gonna throw your heart away?

In the beginning, I tried to warn you
You play with fire, its gonna burn you
And here we are now, same situation,
You never listen, I never listen
Now I am thinking of a way that I can make an escape
It's got me caught up in a web and my hearts the prey
Do you really wanna throw your heart away, away, away?

Everybody's hurt somebody before
Everybody's been hurt by somebody before
You can change but you will always come back for more
Its a game and we are all just victims of love.

Everybody's hurt somebody before
Everybody's been hurt by somebody before
You can change but you will always come back for more
Its a game and we are all just victims of love.
Don't try to fight it, victims of love
You can't decide it, victims of love, victims of love
Victims of love.

P.S: For the first time, I did not prank anyone for April Fool's Day. Not bad. Goes to show how much studies have taken me out of the rest of my life.

*looks at the time* 12.45am... well done. Time to start physics AP revision. Will do math tomorrow (later rather). Zzz. =X