So exciting, yet depressing

What separates someone who does research at A*STAR from someone who does clinical research? I was asking myself when I bumped into this article online:

http://www.sma.org.sg/sma_news/3411/clinscien_GT.pdf

Hope there will be people who find this useful.

$$$! *faint*

WAIT. BEFORE I START MY POST!

I would like to strongly appeal to all NUSHS people reading my blog to read my sister's blog post, dated 30th August 2008 - especially the juniors, because this post GOES OUT TO YOU.

Also, I would think that the year 6s should go and take a look at the post too. I believe that as Year 6 student leaders, that post would be somewhat relevant to us.

If only more juniors in this school were this reflective!

http://cyndi-secrets.blogspot.com

**********

Haha I was filling up the online application form for A*STAR NSS-BS last night, and when I came to the university application part, I realized just how much I (do not) know about the US and UK universities. Haha. Zzz.

In the end, after screening through most of the options for US universities, I ended up picking the Ivy Leagues ones (Brown, Cornell), and Duke. Obviously you observe I've conveniently left out the super-elite ones like Princeton, Yale, or Harvard because I personally have no confidence in getting to those schools. Oh well. I want to apply for Johns Hopkins too, but I heard Baltimore's a rough place, so... >.<

Aiyah, if I could I would gladly apply to all of these schools lah, but considering the fact that each application costs US$70, and that I've to write additional college admission essays... not exactly a very nice thought. I've not even begun considering some of the costs for applying to UK universities.

Looks like a lot of work. Sheesh. Oh well, nevermind. A*STAR has to come first. No scholarship, no talk of going overseas (even if I qualify for all the Ivy League schools I apply to).

*Sidenote: I just realized how much money I am actually spending on preparation and application to US universities... and this doesn't even guarantee a place there! Preparatory courses, SATs, APs, sending scores, application fees, etc. Argh.*

Anyway, I'm going off to jog. Think I'll blog later on if I'm in the mood.

*****

AH I am back! Jogging is quite good. Clears all the stuffiness in my head and makes me perspire - not that I like to perspire, but I guess it's for a greater good. And I realized that I could actually jog 3.2km without feeling too exhausted i.e. I can run, just that I never forced myself to. And running is so much more enjoyable without timings and what not lah. I can't imagine how miserable it is if people just keep running for the sake of improving what, 2 or 3 minutes to get A or B for 2.4km. OK sure it's good to improve, but running for the sake of timing is just so... I don't know.

Perhaps this is why I am not an athlete then ahaha.

Nothing much

OMG I spent almost 7 hours trying to build a wax cap for a molar on a model today! *faint*

This is nuts. Need to do it faster next time.

Teachers' Day tomorrow...

Today was career day. Zzz....

Watched Walle at Cathay this afternoon! Nice movie... though I like the short film better. XD

Ahhhs

Blessed is the man with lofty ambitions and bold dreams, for he will be the one who "stand higher, see further, and think deeper" (quoted from 2007 Asian Science Camp).

Chem quiz today was so grrrr. NMR... well on the bright side, at least it didn't end up like a total humiliation like the mass spec quiz. =S

Felt so tired today! Was giving a rather nonchalant attitude towards bio class today and fooling around during the first half, and falling asleep in the second half. Dr Tang definitely didn't look happy. Oh well, what to do?

I am not looking forward to the chem lab reports we need to write. Something tells me I am going to bullsh*t everything about the experiments. Zzz.

Career day tomorrow... and hopefully can go out to watch movie after that! Yay. =)

So much to do. So much to do.

Sian. Tomorrow got NMR quiz. Pray I don't screw up like the first mass spec one zzz.

Counting down

Beijing Olympics closing ceremony is running live on my home TV now. Haha. Can't believe the thing ended so soon... well, I guess that's because I was away in US during the first half of the competitions, so I didn't exactly keep up with the developments. Haiz. Oh well. I guess Singapore's finally brought back another silver medal after 48 years huh. XD

Counting down... I can't believe this. I am counting down the days left in school. I just want to get all these lessons over and done with and get on to cool off for the rest of the year. Come to think of it, exams are in week 4, script checking probably in week 5, then what next? Hopefully don't need to come to school.. and then I get to do things like stay at home and slack, or go out with friends, or perhaps catch up on lost times with people I've not met for a long time... no wait. I can't do that. The rest of the guys are probably busy chionging for A levels! Haha whoops?

Dear me. Daydreaming about the future so soon. Haiz. I guess I am just relishing at the thought of not having any homework for the next two years - NS.

Mmm. And I wanna see an NUS High student build a particle accelerator man, seriously. XD

Oh no....

Ahhh die I wasted a whole afternoon finishing Devil May Cry 3. Homework how! DIE. x(

Just a couple of random things today:

*****

Was looking up videos on Kanon at random, and there you go:

First, Sayuri is kawaii! LOL.



And I went to look for the video containing most of the Kanon "character sounds". =P



LOL. Sayuri lols. If Mai and Shiori had "character sounds", I wonder how would they sound like. o.O

(Oh dear. Ros is hooked onto 'ahaha~')

*****

After finishing DMC 3, I went to read a bit on the plot of original DMC, which came immediately after DMC 3 (in plot chronological order). It was then I found out that there was actually a manga and anime series released based on the game! Hahah and I just watched episode 1 today. It's... well, pretty gory, and I feel it depicts Dante's character really well. But I felt it's a let down compared to his in-game personality - could be because of the lack of detailed fighting scenes.

*****

Oh shit. Homework. =(

*****

Team Fortress 2 is... erm, kinda whacky. Yeah.

*****

5 weeks left of school, 8 days left of lessons. I hate to say this, but I am actually quite happy that the lessons are almost all over, especially for chem. I hate the practicals - I feel so lost in all of them. Well, I can't say the same for QM or bio though, surprisingly. And math too... yeah. Mr Tan is a good teacher. =)

*****

I bought two second-hand books from US, and although I didn't get them at a very cheap price, I felt that they were quite an interesting read for me, and for once I can confidently say I will finish reading them. The first book is the well-known "Mere Christianity" by C. S. Lewis, and the second is a rather special book entitled "Physics of the Impossible" by Michio Kaku. I tell you, the author of the latter book is an amazing guy - he built a particle accelerator! But that's not the best part, because:

1. He did it by himself

2. He built it in his high school campus when he was a high school student

3. He used home-made materials

*faint*

NUS HIGH SHOULD BE PRODUCING STUDENTS OF THIS CALIBRE MAN. HAH. Maybe I should pose this challenge to the school. XD

*****

"Mere Christianity", on the other hand, is quite interesting, but hard to read. Many times I had to re-read the same line twice or thrice in order to fully comprehend what C. S. Lewis was trying to say. Then again, it could be just me being slow in understanding such stuff.

*****

Internship for the past 2 days is good. Am keeping myself busy. Hopefully this will keep me going.

Sept hols is gonna be nuts. Ben and Poh Yong, the two main lab technician specialists, would be at Austria for training. This essentially means that only Salihin and I would be left in GPA Dental's lab, and Salihin can't do all the tasks passed to the lab by the dentists! Hopefully the amount of work coming in during this time is not insanely alot...

But on the bright side, there's gonna be quite a bit of space in the lab now - and less noise from Ben. xD

*****

I better get going with my homework. Shall fish out 4 random articles for English and spam them.

*****

I still find what Hannah said about "Ada's boyfriend" very very funny. I can't believe I actually couldn't stop laughing for the next two minutes after hearing what she said larh. *FnF*

Well, if Ada's really gonna go for that kinda "standard", then that'll give a lot of guys a hard time - being her bf I mean. Oops? xD

*****

I've not said it in my previous post, I believe, so I shall say it here:

ISBE 2008 ROCKS.

And Cornell University is beautiful. =)

And ITHACA IS GORGEOUS - literally and figuratively. XD

*****

Zzz. Work time. Bye bye.

Chiong ah!

Argh. Felt so sleepy just now. I had to fight my sleepiness for 1 whole hour before it disappeared...

And good. Now I don't have the urge to sleep... BUT IT IS FREAKING 11+ AND I STILL HAVE A MATH TUTORIAL TO FINISH AND A BIO TEST TO STUDY FOR.

And this doesn't count the english portfolio, CV updating, chem tutorial, bio prac, QM assignment, and God-Knows-What-Else-I've-Not-Done.

Ah this is shitty.

Some thoughts before homework

I was just chatting earlier, and I bumped into the topic of religion again. The person whom I was chatting with was agnostic, and he insisted that the idea of God "was stupid, and that He is merely imaginary - a figment of Mankind's imagination". Well, as much as I would like to be realistic and agree with him on the "human imagination" bit, I found myself reviewing my thoughts about God and Christianity again.

I inevitably answered a couple of questions for myself, such as "Why don't I go to church anymore?" or "Does creationism necessarily rule out evolution?" or "What could people mean by 'Intelligent Design' from God?" or even fundamental stuff like "What defines how faithful a Christian is?".

I've came up with some answers, but knowing how controversial/radical some of my thoughts would be to the majority of the Christian community, I think it's best I don't mention it here, lest I suffer backlash or get into an argument or whatever.

For starters, what if I told you that I believe God did not make everything "perfect" in his Intelligent Design, but gave us the ability to adapt (i.e. evolve) to better face adversities and challenges to reach an "ideal condition" - the gift of "evolution" is actually God's "Intelligent Design"?

Now you see why I can't continue speaking so freely on my thoughts. =P

Eitherway, I HAVE NO TIME FOR HOMEWORK. TOO MUCH TEAM FORTRESS 2 LOL.

Wasted

Damn. I am in such a big mess now. Don't know what I should be doing at this point anymore. Homework? Revision? Clearing up my desk? Playing computer games? Filling up UCAS and Common App? Writing my college application essays? Argh.

Darn I hate this feeling of helplessness.

It doesn't really help knowing the fact that I am losing steam for internship. The long trip to the US has killed whatever momentum I've left for work. Sigh.

And now I am feeling tired - after barely waking up for 10 minutes. Must be due to me sleeping so late last night (this morning) that my parents gave up even trying to get me out of bed. Thankfully I'm not heading to internship today, otherwise I'd be damn freaking late already. Rawr.

The feeling I had when I got out of my bed this morning was weird: The entire house was silent and empty, and all the windows and doors were shut. As I looked around, I can't help but feel cut off from the outside world, as if now I've placed my life into an eternal limbo... this doesn't sound good.

But you know, perhaps it's just me waking up on the wrong side of the bed. >.<

Returning soon

I realized how outdated I am with current affairs now... don't even make an effort to read the news or something. Haiz. Better get used to the habit lol.

The ISBE conference has ended, and we'll be on our way back home over the next few days. It's gonna be a long, ardous journey home, from the road trip from Ithaca to New York's JFK airport, to the 6 hour flight between NY and Frankfurt, and finally a 12 hour flight between Frankfurt and Singapore... plus not to mention recovering from the jet lag before noon.

And gee, I must have spent the most money on this overseas trip compared to the previous trips I've had. Ironically, most of the money was spent on myself, rather than others... if that says something.

Oh damn. English portfolio. So screwed.

How I wished my days in Cornell would last longer... perhaps I should study here. More fun and eye-opening. xD

Happy

Now, looking back, I must admit that I am glad I'm attending this ISBE conference - it is a good break from the usual monotony of school-internship cycle. Ahaha.

And I am convinced not to apply for John Hopkins University and apply to Cornell for early decision. Although I don't exactly think it's a good idea because I've not checked out other US universities and I'm still not too sure about what course I should pursue, but heck, this place is darn good to spend my time in for the next 3 years at least. XD

Anyway, just some random updates on what I did so far:

Visited undergrad admissions office (have I mentioned?). Picked up two sets of admission materials. Hopefully JJ will make good use of them. =)

We visited Cornell shop too! Wanted to buy some of the university merchandise, but... it's so darn ex! >.<

Need to finish up my souvenir shopping soon. Still haven't figured out what gift to give who... ah damn it. Lol.

Lol. The mood ring I bought is so fun to play with. XD

OK. Better sleep soon. Time report: 11.37pm

Just back from a day trip out. Did a little shopping around Ithaca Commons and went to visit the Buttermilk Falls. Haha it was quite an interesting sight I guess.

And omg lah, YH couldn't stop taking photos of the natural surroundings! Haha faint.

Think I shall start saving up for an SLR - or use the allowance I get from NS to buy Ros one or something. A slim camera just won't do I guess. Oops? >.<

Resting at the moment. Now got to leave for BBQ dinner. Later!

Need to stay awake

Ahh another day at the conference. As usual, we just sat through talks most of the day.. and I fell asleep through half of them. Well, it was not as bad as I thought though. There were some really good talks that I had no regrets sitting through. =)

And I also found some good ways to prevent myself from dozing off in talks, like walk to different venues between talks, or reading the abstract before/while listening to the talk. Yeah.

*****

If whatever you plan always fails, then might as well not plan at all. Thanks YH, it seems to have worked for me in pool.

Before I begin the next part, I wanna post the lyrics for this song, which for some reason I was strongly reminded of the moment that I sat down on my chair in the townhouse:

---

CASTING CROWNS - STAINED GLASS MASQUERADE

Is there anyone that fails
Is there anyone that falls
Am I the only one in church today feelin’ so small

Cause when I take a look around
Everybody seems so strong
I know they’ll soon discover
That I don’t belong

So I tuck it all away, like everything’s okay
If I make them all believe it, maybe I’ll believe it too
So with a painted grin, I play the part again
So everyone will see me the way that I see them

*Chorus*
Are we happy plastic people
Under shiny plastic steeples
With walls around our weakness
And smiles to hide our pain
But if the invitation’s open
To every heart that has been broken
Maybe then we close the curtain
On our stained glass masquerade

Is there anyone who’s been there
Are there any hands to raise
Am I the only one who’s traded
In the altar for a stage

The performance is convincing
And we know every line by heart
Only when no one is watching
Can we really fall apart

But would it set me free
If I dared to let you see
The truth behind the person
That you imagine me to be

Would your arms be open
Or would you walk away
Would the love of Jesus
Be enough to make you stay

Chorus x2

Well if the invitation’s open
To every heart that has been broken
Maybe then we close the curtain
On our stained glass masquerade

Is there anyone that fails
Is there anyone that falls
Am I the only one in church today feelin’ so small

---

I understand why JJ tells me trusting someone is so hard. This whole world, no matter how ideal we think, or want it to be, will always be a world of masks. A world of lies. A world of fake smiles and tears. A guy could come up to you and sob to win your sympathy, then stab you in the back before you can even say "Damn you". A woman could be full of spite and hate for you, yet smile using that fake plastic grin. Even a child, so innocent at birth, will be brought up to tell lies, spite his neighbours, and insult his friends.

This whole world is a facade. I guess I was naive to think that trusting would be so easy.

But you know what? I guess I am just that stupid. For someone with a pretty decent CAP, I am downright stupid - idiotic if you like to put it that way. Because... I just cannot live without trusting someone else.

Trust is so hard to give, and so easy to take away. Maybe that is why I decide to give out my trust freely anyway, since the world will never have enough of it.

This world is full of masks too. I would gladly offer to throw mine away, but I won't. I mean, at what cost am I ready to pay for such an action? No. I am cowardly. I am spineless. I will forever need a mask to hide my sorrow, my anger, my pain, my glee, my feelings, so that people will never know me well enough to manipulate me.

I hate masks. Masks let people hide what they feel, what they think. Masks cause misunderstanding. Masks give fronts which are never backed by substance. Masks give false impression, false hope. Masks repaint your world to make it perfect when in fact, things are not.

How... melancholic.

But hey, you know something?

Why. So. Serious?

*****

YES. AHAHA

Time report: 6:32am

Yes! Finally done with my poster presentation session! NOW I CAN SLACK. AHAHAHHAHAHAA.

*as if*

Anyway, it was quite an enjoyable (albeit tiring) experience. Got to share about my project with everyone I met. Interestingly, everyone whom I presented to all ended by praising my project, saying stuff like "Wow", "Impressive work", "Really interesting stuff", "Great job you guys did", etc - and all these comments came from phD/post-doc students. XD

AND OMG I HAD A CHANCE TO SHAKE HANDS WITH PROF GEORGE UETZ. *faints*

I especially liked his reaction in the short exchange of words I had with him:

Uetz: Hi, I've read your poster already. Snuck in the day before to read through some of the posters.
Me: Ahaha, I see sir.
Uetz: *pauses for a while* Hmm... interesting work. And which one are you? (he was looking at the names of the contributors to the project)
Me: Oh, here. *points at my name*
Uetz: Ang... Oh Roy. Ahh, that makes things much easier.
Me: *smile*
Uetz: And your mentors...
Me: Oh, they are here with us actually. They are there and there (points to Dr Seah and Mr Koh)
Uetz: Hmm.. and you're a graduate student?
Me: No sir. I'm from high school. Final year in high school.
Uetz: ... WHAT? HIGH SCHOOL? *chokes* I can't believe it! High school student... *sees friend walking towards him* Hey, can you believe it? This project comes from a high school student?! Goodness...
Me: *smile*
Uetz: *pauses there for a while* Well, nice to meet you son. All the best for your project.
Me: *shakes hand* Thank you sir. A pleasure to meet you.
Uetz: (walks over to talk to Dr Seah, Mr Koh, and YH)

LOL. HIGH SCHOOL STUDENT. AHAHA *faint*

OK enough rants. Still need to go brush my teeth and get ready to leave...

Timing report: 5:20a.m. in Cornell University.

Didn't wash up the day before and plonked onto my bed and immediately fell asleep. Even left my laptop on overnight.. oops?

Well, at least I got that all straightened out when I woke up at 4am in the morning and went for a good bath. Ahhh. =)

Poster presentation today. Gambatte! >.<

In the States!

Haha finally settled down in Cornell University at Ithaca, New York, United States of America. ISBE conference due to start on Saturday evening, and my poster presentation is on Sunday evening. After that... can slack. xD

OK OK. I will be GUAI and NOT SLEEP during lectures. Well, at least, try not to sleep. =P

OK I better get going. Can't keep leeching off YZ's LAN port. Ahaha!

*****

Speaking of which, I am done watching Kanon! Maybe now I should go and rewatch FMA for the fun of it. Hahaha. =)

Can't wait!

Haha so excited - OK somewhat I guess. I can hardly imagine the kind of things I will be doing over the next 10 days or so. xD

Anyway, some stuff about today:

Had internship during the morning, after which I went for lunch with Eunice and Ada before leaving for Biopolis. Attended a tea session conducted by A*STAR, and spoke with A*STAR chairman Mr Lim Chuan Poh. Felt very inspired after the thing. Perhaps even if I don't make the cut for MBBS-PhD, I might still consider the NSS after all...

Met quite a number of familiar faces there! Hahaha... and I met Allan and Charlotte too! Hahaha... it's been a while since I last saw Allan actually, apart from that glimpse when we met at the PSC scholarships fair. He seems to have... shrunk. o.O

We went down to the food court and sat down there for a while. Both of them were studying - prelims coming up apparently. Nic Wong joined me later on, and we ate a bit before proceeding down to the MOE building for another tea session, this time with MOE for their teaching scholarships! Was quite an interesting experience, and bumped into lots of NUSHS people too, like Eunice, Jasmine, Jing Min, etc.

Oh and Allan, Charlotte and I chatted with Mr Calvin Lim - the guy responsible for organizing us for ASC last year! Hahaha... gee. When we asked if he remembered our names, he was like, "Of course I remember... you're Charlotte, you're Allan, and you're... Ang Mo Lik." -.-

And he made it worse by saying "Oh, Ang Mo Kio. Don't blame me, Mdm Tey tell me one." Gee. So long ago le and things never change. Haha. Still, he's funny. =)

But haha the talk was a real eye-opener - now I am officially considering the MOE teaching scholarships as well. Hmmm, the thought of being a teacher. I guess I don't mind teaching... except that I don't really enjoy the thought of being bonded to MOE. Still wished that I could teach at NUSHS as an independent teacher instead of just becoming an MOE officer. =\

Left the place at around 9.30pm - late by 30 minutes. Took bus home, fell asleep on the bus, and overshot a couple of stops. Thankfully, taking the last bus back to the stop I missed didn't take up too much time. Now, I'm packing my bag. Need to get ready for flight tomorrow near midnight.

I wonder if I will survive the jet lag. Ah nevermind. Will settle things as they come by. =P

So now, careers I am considering include: Medical doctor. Dentist. Clinical scientist. Biomedical researcher. Teacher. Now I understand what people mean when they say I can be spoilt for choice. But then again, I can't really say this until I finally get admitted to the universities and accepted for the scholarships I want.

******

So, what drives you?

Looking into my own past?

OK I decided to do another post because I thought of some extra stuff to blog about.

Today was coaching Year 3s physics. Somehow, they reminded me of myself 3 years ago... sitting there, scratching my head over physics homework. Come to think about it, I've pretty much forgotten everything I was taught for physics in Year 3. Especially mechanics I. Those were the days where Mr Wee was still in this school, teaching students and cracking lame jokes. Haha. Those were the days.

It was a miracle how I got through all those assignments and tests too. I remember I had to consult my dad countless times to get through assignment questions. Most of the time, I end up copying whatever he wrote on the board and got past the assignments. The exams, however, were a different story. Haha. It was hilarious. Especially mechanics I exam. I still think it was quite a joke that I passed that paper. Lol.

Back then, I was alone. I never consulted anyone for help, apart from my dad. No friends. No seniors. No online sources of guidance. Hell, I didn't even flip my textbook to read I think.

Now, our juniors in NUSHS have pretty much all of what I never had. And guess what? They don't make good use of it. Some decide that they were too good for anybody around them and stick to themselves. Some don't dare approach seniors, or do not have contacts with seniors (in a school this small, I seriously doubt if there are people with absolutely no contact with seniors at all). Some, better still, are just too lazy to check for answers online, or flip through the textbook to read a couple of pages of text that could potentially improve their understanding of the topics at hand.

I don't blame them. They are kids.

But what I can't forgive, is the fact that some of these 'kids' can take the help provided for granted.

Perhaps they are scared of seniors. Perhaps they try to put up a brave front. Perhaps some of them just have attitude problems that I will never understand. Regardless, I feel this sort of culture is one that will be the death of positive learning outlooks in our school, and should be corrected for the better good of not just the individuals, but also to spread the influence to others around us.

Nevertheless, peer tutoring is a nice feeling, and it's fun - even though what I taught was physics. xD

What I saw, what I witnessed today, has totally crushed some stereotypes I've had about students in general. Here's what I've learnt:

1. It doesn't take a pro at a subject to teach the subject well.

2. Just because a person is pro at a subject, doesn't mean that the person can teach it well.

3. Just because a person is pro at a subject, doesn't mean he/she is willing to teach others who are weaker than them at the subject.

4. Pro-ness at a subject has no correlation to the passion/interest for the subject.

5. Sometimes it is the most ordinary of individuals that can bring out the most extraordinary things in others.

6. You don't need to be the best to make changes. In the words of Nike's slogan: "Just Do It".

7. People teach with all sorts of motives in mind, be it for personal satisfaction, selfless aid to others, or for CIP hours (yes there are people who do that. I wonder why they even bother). But all in all, the students will still benefit. In that case, who cares what motives do teachers have in mind?

8. Passion is most infectious when in groups. Sitting with a group of physics-enthusiasts (NOT physics geeks) makes you like physics. Similarly, sitting with a group of chemistry enthusiasts brings about similar effects, etc.

9. Juniors should treasure the help they receive from seniors. In fact, juniors should approach seniors more for help when it comes to school work. That, in my opinion, is one of the best ways to learn - peer tutoring. It is indeed quite a shame that I never had a chance to consult any "seniors" during my 4 years in NUSHS.

10. Do things for the love of others, not for the sake of others. =)

Ergh. I can't say I did my personal best for the quiz... really. I could have done better. Still, I guess it's too late to moan.

Better work harder for the practicals.

Suddenly, scoring straight A's for chem honours seems so hard... compared to something like physics? Or math? Or bio? o.O

Leaving for the States on Thursday 2350.. Suddenly feeling relieved that I get to escape mundane school life and internship work, but sort of dreading the amount of work I'll need to catch up on when I get back.

You know, I just wished that this semester would end quickly - I mean, get the exams over and done with quickly. Honestly, I don't care if I screw up my CAP this semester. I guess CAP is no longer of much importance to me anymore I guess. Whether I get an A or an A- for chem, or whether I score full marks for the next math test, really doesn't bother me at all. I just wanna live this last semester properly, like any student in this school deserves to.

Oh damnn

Conclusion: Never hit the bed before you've done all your homework and revised for all your tests.

...

I hope I don't fail my chem quizzes because of this. o.O

QM

Haha I'm a total idiot at QM. Yays. Shoot me please.

Nevertheless, I found today's talk at NUS quite interesting... although I know nuts about QM and GR, I still could get the general gist of what the speaker was talking about. You know, this is the first time I successfully stayed awake throughout an entire physics talk, copying notes at the same time? Hahahaha! What an achievement. xD

Gahs. Screwed the damn problem solving task. If only I was a little more guai and went to read up on Euler's form for complex numbers.. sigh. Looks like reading ahead does help. >.<

Thankfully, I've 1 set of full marks to offset the damned thing. Need more luck for the next round.

******

OK I'll just make a clarification here: I am not an alcohol-addict OK. I am not desperate to get drunk either. I am... err, merely excited at the possibility of finding myself drunk for at least once in my lifetime. Yeah. =P

Bleep

OK crap I'm bottling up my frustrations again. I need to ventilate.

I hate Sundays. Everyone (including myself) procrastinates on Sundays. And what do you do when you need to procrastinate? You rush to find answers. Now, if you are rushing to find answers, what's the easiest way other than to think on your own? Ask friends and classmates lah.

Ever since I woke up at 6.30pm, I've been helping people with all sorts of questions: physics, chemistry, biology, math... and when I say all sorts, I mean all sorts. I find it laughable that I spend so much time helping others, that in the end, I never spend enough time on my own homework. Perhaps it's my fault I can't freaking manage time properly eh? Perhaps it's my fault that I've been sleeping the entire afternoon because I was tired, and not doing homework earlier so that people can just ask me for answers/rip my answers off later on, or the next day?

Hah. Hah. Hah. The irony. We're supposed to be doing homework for the sake of ourselves, but I end up doing it "for the sake of others" - so that I am ready to provide answers to people who need them. So that I can be of use to others, since I think I've barely any other uses other than as a homework answering machine (and the funny thing is, there're so many other people that can provide better answers than me).

But you know what?

I just can't help it. I can't help not helping people. I can't stand sitting by the side watching other people struggle. I do admit I make people struggle for answers. I do admit that I may sometimes give people a hard time before eventually leading them to answers (my sis gets a lot of those). But nevertheless, I help, because it is only through helping others that I feel a sense of worth. Without it, I am nothing.

I sense low self-worth. Regardless...

I won't stop, or for that matter, I can't, because that's just the way I am. People ask, I help, and usually won't stop until I find an answer. Even if this eventually costs me.. Because... because..

I can't explain it. Perhaps this is my innate nature after all. Self-discovery eh?

Which brings me to another thing in my mind, that is appearing offline.

Now, appearing offline is the most ingenious thing ever. It saves you the bother of being IM-ed/nudged/poked/harassed by certain individuals in your contact list, yet gives you the freedom to IM/nudge/poke/harass anyone you see online. Like wow, kill two birds in one stone! Isn't that like the most brilliant invention of nature!

Not that I've anything against appearing offline, but still, I wished that people would not do that. If you want to speak to someone, appear online and ask. Appearing offline gives me the same impression as people speaking in anonymity - you're protected from the surroundings, but the other party isn't.

OK I am ranting, so I better stop.

Sigh. Perhaps I am predestined to be like this after all, no matter how much I try to hide or run away, I just can't escape the fact that my self-worth, my sense of satisfaction, can only be satiated through helping others. Leaving them alone to me leaves me equally powerless. Perhaps this is the ultimate reason why I want to join the medical profession after all? Haha...

That sounded really lame.

******

Disclaimer: The above post was not written by the Roy Ang you might know. Any coincidences or similarities with the real person is regretted.

Marge+YZ+Grace's Party!

Lol currently feeling "emo". Or more like, emotionally "empty". Don't know if "emo" is the most appropriate term to use. Maybe I am just tired? Or perhaps I ran out of emotions after today's string of events.. Hmm.

Nevertheless, about today...

Morning was internship as usual, though I skipped breakfast this time because I was lazy to get out of bed early. Ended up starving for the entire morning and just longing for the hours to go by. Haha. At 1pm, Ada, Eunice and I went to Bugis Junction and met up with Jasmine for lunch. Went to some HK restaurant and ended up "burning a hole" in my pocket. Sigh. Need to do this less often. >.<

After that, I went to HMV at City Hall to check out on albums by Naturally 7. Apparently, if Mikel and I want to get our hands on the album, we'll need to import from the US, and that will effectively set us back 34 bucks apiece. 34 bucks for an album? Hmm, seriously not worth it.

Leaving HMV, I took MRT to Newton and sat there a while to do bio prac 2 - which I did not make much headway with (since it is a Dr Tang-ish prac and needs lots of information from all kinds of sources). Subsequently, I took a bus down to Margaret's house. Met up with Mikel and we went to the pool downstairs to swim. He taught me how to do freestyle there. Hmm, I need to work on that.

After that, at around 6pm, everyone moved down to the function room and the party started - today was supposed to be Ying Zhen and Grace's birthday celebrations cum Marge's farewell party. The whole thing was quite fun actually, apart from the part where I had to sit in the steaming toilet for about 15 minutes and when the security guard came down and kicked up a big fuss over some of us making too much noise. Seriously broke the party mood at that point. Ergh.

The party gradually 'fizzled' out after that. Everyone started going home and stuff. Mikel and I left at around 10.30pm. We're supposed to go get some beer after the party, but by that time, the party mood seemed to have left us and we didn't feel like going after that. And I didn't see how drinking alone was supposed to be enjoyable (other than trying to act emo by the roadside. -.-). Heh, so I took the bus home.

I realized, that sometimes I get so caught up with the present, that sometimes I don't bother to look at people's past before passing my remarks about them. I thought he was joking when he first told me, but as I waited for the "Aiyah, I was kidding lah!", it never came. It took me by quite a surprise.. really.

I better sleep earlier tonight and WAKE UP EARLY TO RUSH ALL MY DAMNED HOMEWORK. Cannot afford to have a "hangover" tomorrow - even though I didn't consume any alcohol.

Still need to find some opportunity to get myself drunk outside. Oh well, on the bright side, at least I know I've a chance on prom night. I think. xD

Beach Run

Lol so today Ros and I took a cab with Eugene all the way to East Coast Park for Beach Run. I realized (later on), that it wasn't necessary. We could take 13 down to a busstop nearby East Coast Park and then cross an overhead bridge to get to our destination. Haha. Oh well.

My timing was good: 11 minutes 40 seconds. Suspect the distance was actually shorter than 2.4km... but hey, I don't care. =P

So after my run, I went about doing lots of random things, like walking with Ken Wei for cool down, trying to do chin-ups (and failing terribly), pacing a couple of juniors for their run, etc.

The year 6s had a meeting to discuss some details on convocation and farewell assembly too. I thought that some of the ideas generated by Gabriel were a little, well, funky? Especially the one about the guinea pig.

House mascot competition was funny! I think all the mascots were pretty well done, and kudos to everyone who've put in effort to make this a success! And looks like the effort put in by the Nobel seniors paid off after all. =)

And when Nat was speaking to the entire school, I suddenly felt awed and inspired by him. He is really charismatic man... if not for his carefree spirit, he would have made an excellent candidate for SC president - I think.

Amazingly, Fleming got 3rd for the house mascot! No prizes though.

And top 5 Year 6 girls almost got an absolute streak from Fleming lah! Hahahhaa... and man Sam Wong can run. O.O

So after beach run, Jia Jun, Clement, Si Ming, Benedict, Abi and I took bus to Cathay to watch Dark Knight. I DOZED OFF BY ACCIDENT DURING THE SHOW! Argh! Hahahah nevertheless, it was a good movie. I found some of the themes covered pretty thought-provoking, like "what makes up a hero", or "necessity to sacrifice oneself for the sake of greater good". Especially the final scene where Batman had to take the blame for the death of the Harvey Dent in order to preserve the District Attorney's "heroic" image before the public, so that people do not lose hope in the fight against evil.

I wonder if I've ever met any of these "unsung heroes" for the past 18 years.

After the movie, I went to pick up my Zen from the Creative Retail store at Plaza Sing, before heading to KFC for tea break. Then the three of us (JJ, Clement, myself) started thinking of ideas on what to buy for certain people. Later on, Ee Leng joined us after watching The Mummy (which she commented was pretty good), and we went to get cards! Haha, after all that thinking, we still settled for the simplest option..

But I guess at the end of the day, it is still the thought that counts. =)

Left for home after that. Dead tired now. Still need to work harder to get some chin-ups...

******

OMG Mikel just showed me this amazing song!



The best part? It's ALL ACAPELLA.

OH MY GOSH.