I am no longer a player of Granado Espada, but I am still in love with their sound track! Haha great stuff to listen to anywhere: Walking, running, on the bus/MRT, resting, doing homework, in powerpoints, and as background music for particular events.
Heh. Fantastic. Shall get along with my math revision. Still got to finish SAT bio though. =S
I wished they made it clear on what are the topics they will be testing on for separation science and spectroscopy. Now to play safe, I have to mug everything in the notes and practicals. Sigh.
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
Monday, September 29, 2008
I can't help but laugh at myself
It's so strange.
Sometimes when I see him doing his thing, I would feel an uneasy urge sort of boil within me. It's not the type of feeling you get when you see someone bully someone else (like say, Gabriel bully Zhao Ye and vice versa). It's hard to put it into more direct terms without making what I am saying too obvious - and that might have implications.
Sometimes I just want to whack him you know. To make him shut up. To make him quit his silly antics. To make him stop doing things which other parties do not enjoy. Or perhaps just shout "for f*** sake, stop that!" I mean, sure doing this once in a while wouldn't hurt, but sometimes things can go a little too far.
But I don't. I just sit on the sideline, playing cool, laughing, thinking that matters should just pass like this. Perhaps this issue is one I need not get my hands sticky with anyway, considering the number of occasions I got burnt while trying to put my hand into things.
Does this mean I lack a spine?
I don't know. I better watch myself the next time something like this happens again... if there is a next time.
Sometimes when I see him doing his thing, I would feel an uneasy urge sort of boil within me. It's not the type of feeling you get when you see someone bully someone else (like say, Gabriel bully Zhao Ye and vice versa). It's hard to put it into more direct terms without making what I am saying too obvious - and that might have implications.
Sometimes I just want to whack him you know. To make him shut up. To make him quit his silly antics. To make him stop doing things which other parties do not enjoy. Or perhaps just shout "for f*** sake, stop that!" I mean, sure doing this once in a while wouldn't hurt, but sometimes things can go a little too far.
But I don't. I just sit on the sideline, playing cool, laughing, thinking that matters should just pass like this. Perhaps this issue is one I need not get my hands sticky with anyway, considering the number of occasions I got burnt while trying to put my hand into things.
Does this mean I lack a spine?
I don't know. I better watch myself the next time something like this happens again... if there is a next time.
Haha currently in school rushing english project. Still got to handle QM with JJ after this.
I wonder when I can even start SAT physics and bio. Or for that matter, any other exam prep.
Zzz.
I wonder when I can even start SAT physics and bio. Or for that matter, any other exam prep.
Zzz.
Sunday, September 28, 2008
I realize that I do have some form of natural curiosity of the world around me - in a sense. It's just that I never paid enough attention to it to gain something useful out of it at the end of the day.
For instance, I was just watching the news earlier, and there was a report on Paul Newman's death, and before the news session ended, they put a picture of Newman showcasing his brilliant blue eyes. So I was thinking to myself, hey, what gives him those beautiful eyes? So I went to google on eye colour and turned up a page with factors affecting eye colour. Apparently, it is a very simple concept on the concentrations of melanin (pigmentation, NOT MELAMINE) in the iris epithelium and iris stroma, as well as the type of collagen structures present between those two layers. This would give you a wide variety of colours from black to blue to red and even violet and green. Haha.
Then I spotted something called Rayleigh scattering and I was like, oh cool, so there's optics and physics involved. Then I looked into one box that said "Mie scattering", and I was like what, that's new. So I went to google on it again and tried reading the article on Mie scattering. Note the word 'tried'. Haha.
So cool luh. If only I had red eyes... then can look like a vampire. XD
OK enough dreaming. I better get down to prepping for SAT physics and bio. -.-
For instance, I was just watching the news earlier, and there was a report on Paul Newman's death, and before the news session ended, they put a picture of Newman showcasing his brilliant blue eyes. So I was thinking to myself, hey, what gives him those beautiful eyes? So I went to google on eye colour and turned up a page with factors affecting eye colour. Apparently, it is a very simple concept on the concentrations of melanin (pigmentation, NOT MELAMINE) in the iris epithelium and iris stroma, as well as the type of collagen structures present between those two layers. This would give you a wide variety of colours from black to blue to red and even violet and green. Haha.
Then I spotted something called Rayleigh scattering and I was like, oh cool, so there's optics and physics involved. Then I looked into one box that said "Mie scattering", and I was like what, that's new. So I went to google on it again and tried reading the article on Mie scattering. Note the word 'tried'. Haha.
So cool luh. If only I had red eyes... then can look like a vampire. XD
OK enough dreaming. I better get down to prepping for SAT physics and bio. -.-
Friday, September 26, 2008
Fatigued
I feel... lethargic all over. As if I've just finished a thousand-mile journey. Not tiredness in the acute type, but the feeling of being drained and overwhelmed by lots of things at the moment.
Well, looking on the bright side, I've managed to finish that screwy spectro lab report. I could hardly care less whether Mr Gerald or Mr Murali don't give me A for those reports anymore. I don't care.
I am... tired.
Well, looking on the bright side, I've managed to finish that screwy spectro lab report. I could hardly care less whether Mr Gerald or Mr Murali don't give me A for those reports anymore. I don't care.
I am... tired.
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
Oh no. Hacked.
Haha someone attempted to hack my Hotmail account somehow. I got this email in my Gmail account:
*EDITED*
Oh wtf. I must have been the biggest idiot in the universe to provide the link to reset my password to the online community. I almost lost access to my gmail because of that. *shudders*
OK OK. Time for internship
*EDITED*
Oh wtf. I must have been the biggest idiot in the universe to provide the link to reset my password to the online community. I almost lost access to my gmail because of that. *shudders*
OK OK. Time for internship
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
The End
Haha. I can't believe it. After all the countdown, it is finally over.
It just went by like, whoosh. No fanfare, no joyous sounds, no cries, no whoopees. Just went by.
Several people went all over the place taking photos today la. Like Zhao Ye, Wei Ling, Ying Zhen, Mr Lim, etc. Haha.. taking some final shots of us together in school before exams come in and the semester finishes. The feelings are hard to describe, I would say. I guess I was just trying to get the day by like any other day, so that I can go home, rest, and get ready to meet internship work commitments the next day.
The talk conducted by Prof John Wong today was useful. Haha. I ended up reaching home pretty late though. >.<
I was just looking through some of the photos taken today, and then I felt random so I started scrolling through all the old photos that had me tagged in it. From year 3 till now, I could see that I indeed came a long way. Out of curiosity, I started exploring albums from other people containing photos taken from the Year 3-4 days, and I realized how much I missed out on the good old days, how much I didn't know about others, how much I did not treasure in the past, how much time I've wasted since then till now, how little effort I put in to befriend people in the past, how little I understand...
It was emotionally stimulating. I felt my heart tremble for a second just looking at those old photos. It brings back memories so familiar, yet so distant.. it was almost as if I had no place in those memories.
Yes, I forged my path down a slightly different way back in Mt Sinai, and even in Year 4. Thinking back about it makes me want to laugh and cry at the same time. How silly. How foolish.
But I've no regrets. Like my two years spent in CHS, the past four years in NUSHS has been quite eventful and meaningful. I just wished that someone had video-taped my entire life in NUSHS since day one and passed me the DVD. It would be fun to watch myself through these years.. and laugh at how funny and childish I was back then. Especially some of the more precious moments in 2005:
That student council election, the establishment of the house system, the Fleming-Fibo rivalry, working with Sky as P-VP relationship in council, the PSL camp, the first Orientation conducted by us, how Fleming floundered during Sports Day, how I raised that X-country cup and shouted at the top of my voice during X-country, the days where I would sit in the canteen after classes and wait for other people to end class before going home with them, the hilarious times in 3-5 with the likes of Jenkin, Gabriel and Andre, the lonely walks I have had when the Mt Sinai Campus was devoid of people, the moments of recluse and silence I enjoyed in that super large (and air-conditioned) student council room, how our council struggled so hard during 2005 - compared to now, the council back then looked really like a directionless blob in my opinion - and survived, those fun times in the container classrooms, how stressed I would always get from chem classes taught by Mr Chong.
... and so much more.
But if you noticed, everything I can remember about in 2005 seemed to only revolve around myself. Now thinking about it, I feel so ashamed about it.
If you ask me what I would miss most now, I think I would put it slightly differently:
I would miss the days where Mikel and I do things together for kicks, and sat through some of the most boring classes in the universe (where I always fall asleep and Mikel somehow always keeps awake). I would miss the moments in hostel, where Eugene and I gamed almost every night, and talked about our most valuable experiences between ourselves. I would miss the blood, sweat and tears of the student council led by the pioneer batch, when I was part of an exco that was so determined to do things, yet faced numerous difficulties due to transitions in the administrative staff members (i.e. the switch from Prof Lai to Dr Hang). I would miss the moments in Gavel Club, from the day to day meetings, to the moments where Royston and I (OK it's more of Royston than myself actually) often crack our heads to tackle events like camps, Outreach, debate competitions, and God-knows-what-else. I would miss the juniors I brought up in Internal Affairs in 2007, whom I've mentored and watched over very closely to try to bring them up one cut above the rest of the councilors. I would miss the fine moments talking to people like JJ, sharing our aspirations and helping each other in whatever means we can, from emotional support to concrete advice. I would miss people like Zhao Ye, Gregory, Ai Wei, etc, because these people are most probably destined for places beyond Singapore for extended periods of time, and it really makes me wonder whether we will ever bump into each other again. I would miss the tough times we've had sitting through those *ahem* AP prep classes for Calculus, Statistics and Physics... I would miss the moments where a group of us who procrastinates homework would sit in the library together to quickly get an assignment done and submitted.
Oh man. It's terrible that I am missing so much stuff. Makes me wanna cry - in a figurative sense. I'm not actually upset or whatever, so haha.
Sigh. So melancholic. I shall insert a random video here to match the atmosphere of the post:
Ayana - Last Regrets [Kanon OP]
...
Now to scan all those damned documents and send them off for RoA. I wonder if Cambridge will ever send me that SAQ
It just went by like, whoosh. No fanfare, no joyous sounds, no cries, no whoopees. Just went by.
Several people went all over the place taking photos today la. Like Zhao Ye, Wei Ling, Ying Zhen, Mr Lim, etc. Haha.. taking some final shots of us together in school before exams come in and the semester finishes. The feelings are hard to describe, I would say. I guess I was just trying to get the day by like any other day, so that I can go home, rest, and get ready to meet internship work commitments the next day.
The talk conducted by Prof John Wong today was useful. Haha. I ended up reaching home pretty late though. >.<
I was just looking through some of the photos taken today, and then I felt random so I started scrolling through all the old photos that had me tagged in it. From year 3 till now, I could see that I indeed came a long way. Out of curiosity, I started exploring albums from other people containing photos taken from the Year 3-4 days, and I realized how much I missed out on the good old days, how much I didn't know about others, how much I did not treasure in the past, how much time I've wasted since then till now, how little effort I put in to befriend people in the past, how little I understand...
It was emotionally stimulating. I felt my heart tremble for a second just looking at those old photos. It brings back memories so familiar, yet so distant.. it was almost as if I had no place in those memories.
Yes, I forged my path down a slightly different way back in Mt Sinai, and even in Year 4. Thinking back about it makes me want to laugh and cry at the same time. How silly. How foolish.
But I've no regrets. Like my two years spent in CHS, the past four years in NUSHS has been quite eventful and meaningful. I just wished that someone had video-taped my entire life in NUSHS since day one and passed me the DVD. It would be fun to watch myself through these years.. and laugh at how funny and childish I was back then. Especially some of the more precious moments in 2005:
That student council election, the establishment of the house system, the Fleming-Fibo rivalry, working with Sky as P-VP relationship in council, the PSL camp, the first Orientation conducted by us, how Fleming floundered during Sports Day, how I raised that X-country cup and shouted at the top of my voice during X-country, the days where I would sit in the canteen after classes and wait for other people to end class before going home with them, the hilarious times in 3-5 with the likes of Jenkin, Gabriel and Andre, the lonely walks I have had when the Mt Sinai Campus was devoid of people, the moments of recluse and silence I enjoyed in that super large (and air-conditioned) student council room, how our council struggled so hard during 2005 - compared to now, the council back then looked really like a directionless blob in my opinion - and survived, those fun times in the container classrooms, how stressed I would always get from chem classes taught by Mr Chong.
... and so much more.
But if you noticed, everything I can remember about in 2005 seemed to only revolve around myself. Now thinking about it, I feel so ashamed about it.
If you ask me what I would miss most now, I think I would put it slightly differently:
I would miss the days where Mikel and I do things together for kicks, and sat through some of the most boring classes in the universe (where I always fall asleep and Mikel somehow always keeps awake). I would miss the moments in hostel, where Eugene and I gamed almost every night, and talked about our most valuable experiences between ourselves. I would miss the blood, sweat and tears of the student council led by the pioneer batch, when I was part of an exco that was so determined to do things, yet faced numerous difficulties due to transitions in the administrative staff members (i.e. the switch from Prof Lai to Dr Hang). I would miss the moments in Gavel Club, from the day to day meetings, to the moments where Royston and I (OK it's more of Royston than myself actually) often crack our heads to tackle events like camps, Outreach, debate competitions, and God-knows-what-else. I would miss the juniors I brought up in Internal Affairs in 2007, whom I've mentored and watched over very closely to try to bring them up one cut above the rest of the councilors. I would miss the fine moments talking to people like JJ, sharing our aspirations and helping each other in whatever means we can, from emotional support to concrete advice. I would miss people like Zhao Ye, Gregory, Ai Wei, etc, because these people are most probably destined for places beyond Singapore for extended periods of time, and it really makes me wonder whether we will ever bump into each other again. I would miss the tough times we've had sitting through those *ahem* AP prep classes for Calculus, Statistics and Physics... I would miss the moments where a group of us who procrastinates homework would sit in the library together to quickly get an assignment done and submitted.
Oh man. It's terrible that I am missing so much stuff. Makes me wanna cry - in a figurative sense. I'm not actually upset or whatever, so haha.
Sigh. So melancholic. I shall insert a random video here to match the atmosphere of the post:
Ayana - Last Regrets [Kanon OP]
...
Now to scan all those damned documents and send them off for RoA. I wonder if Cambridge will ever send me that SAQ
Monday, September 22, 2008
High School Never Ends
Tomorrow's the last school day for us Year 6s. Then it's just a few days of exams and wahlah, the school semester's over.
Should I say, woohoo? Or boohoo?
It's kinda weird. I guess it's better to be emotionless about this sorta thing. After all, to quote JJ, "You will still be willing to meet up after the school term if you are my friend, right?" Haha.
At any rate, how about an interesting video to go with the current scenario.
Bowling For Soup - High School Never Ends
(unfortunately embedding is disabled for this song, so here's the link to the vid)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h6GDioOjmLA
Haha. The MV's amusing. o.O
Should I say, woohoo? Or boohoo?
It's kinda weird. I guess it's better to be emotionless about this sorta thing. After all, to quote JJ, "You will still be willing to meet up after the school term if you are my friend, right?" Haha.
At any rate, how about an interesting video to go with the current scenario.
Bowling For Soup - High School Never Ends
(unfortunately embedding is disabled for this song, so here's the link to the vid)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h6GDioOjmLA
Haha. The MV's amusing. o.O
Sunday, September 21, 2008
Frustrations
I'm frustrated. Damn frustrated.
My life seems to be going nowhere. Bio honours finished, chem honours a total mess, math more or less disappearing from my radar, english looking no more optimistic than the other subjects, QM giving me perpetual headache, SSRP becoming distant (I've not had the time to go for outfield to collect pitchers for GC-EAD), no more CCA commitments, internship pressures turning up gradually, exams incoming, SAT IIs jammed right in the thick of module exams, BMAT and SAT I to prepare for by November, US uni apps to prepare before year end (to be more specific, before I enter NS early), no significant improvements in my physical fitness, the dread of scholarship applications, the thought of looking like a total idiot during those med school interviews, etc.
And to think I was actually still thinking about "missing friends" when school is over.
This is majorly messed up.
October 7th. Just look for October 7th.
My life seems to be going nowhere. Bio honours finished, chem honours a total mess, math more or less disappearing from my radar, english looking no more optimistic than the other subjects, QM giving me perpetual headache, SSRP becoming distant (I've not had the time to go for outfield to collect pitchers for GC-EAD), no more CCA commitments, internship pressures turning up gradually, exams incoming, SAT IIs jammed right in the thick of module exams, BMAT and SAT I to prepare for by November, US uni apps to prepare before year end (to be more specific, before I enter NS early), no significant improvements in my physical fitness, the dread of scholarship applications, the thought of looking like a total idiot during those med school interviews, etc.
And to think I was actually still thinking about "missing friends" when school is over.
This is majorly messed up.
October 7th. Just look for October 7th.
Saturday, September 20, 2008
Ah zzz.
Oh my gosh today's internship was like total waste of time. Ada had night cycling yesterday, so she didn't go for work today, so that left me and Eunice. The workplace was so quiet today... only 4 dentists, and most of the admin staff were away. I didn't do anything, because I finished whatever I have been previously assigned with, and was waiting for my bosses to review my work before proceeding to the next step.
Argh. Sian.
Went for lunch with Eunice and Jia Jun at Soup Spoon, then after that Eunice left for home, and JJ and I went Starbucks to discuss QM. Hmm, I can actually understand the solutions provided in the physics paper Mr Lim passed to me - regarding Doppler cooling. But hmmm, I still can't figure out how these physicists so damn zai can actually solve all this problems... I guess the approach to physics research is different from bio, biomed, or clinical. Haha. =S
After that, we went to J8 to shop for a handbook JJ was going to use to collect people's thoughts about him as a memento. We couldn't find any though, so we parted ways and I met with Suchang at Bishan lib. Just sat there to finish reading the physics paper (well I'm not exactly done with it yet), and then later on went to arcade a bit to chill off. I need to train my shooting for the basketball machine. >.<
I need to get working for homework. Sigh.
Argh. Sian.
Went for lunch with Eunice and Jia Jun at Soup Spoon, then after that Eunice left for home, and JJ and I went Starbucks to discuss QM. Hmm, I can actually understand the solutions provided in the physics paper Mr Lim passed to me - regarding Doppler cooling. But hmmm, I still can't figure out how these physicists so damn zai can actually solve all this problems... I guess the approach to physics research is different from bio, biomed, or clinical. Haha. =S
After that, we went to J8 to shop for a handbook JJ was going to use to collect people's thoughts about him as a memento. We couldn't find any though, so we parted ways and I met with Suchang at Bishan lib. Just sat there to finish reading the physics paper (well I'm not exactly done with it yet), and then later on went to arcade a bit to chill off. I need to train my shooting for the basketball machine. >.<
I need to get working for homework. Sigh.
Thursday, September 18, 2008
OK I owe someone credit
She just reminded me, so I have to do it.
Credit goes to Yu Heng for taking this wonderful picture for me!
HAHA. No seriously. Thanks. =)
Credit goes to Yu Heng for taking this wonderful picture for me!
HAHA. No seriously. Thanks. =)
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
Smiles to hide our pain
I know this song's Christian, but I think every non-Christian deserves to listen to it as much as Christians do. It's really meaningful.
**********
I understand that there's a lot of hoo-hah recently about the way school gives out opportunities, and stuff. So in case you guys are thinking I am just another ungrateful bastard who is not satisfied with the amount of attention the school gives me, don't get me wrong. I am not like that.
Differential treatment. I guess I can say that I am on the end that is better off. Yet, I don't think I deserve to be better off. I think every one in this school deserves the same treatment the school has given me - to pursue their aspirations and chase their dreams. Like Ken Wei applying to Cambridge, or Jia Jun applying for Cornell, or Mikel applying to PSC, or whatever. I believe everyone should be entitled an equal right to their "pursuit of happiness". OK sounds so American but haha.
But then again we come face to face with a conflict of ideals on various fronts. The school's expectations and goals, the demands of people outside upon us (students), the needs of the 'elite' group, the limitation of resources. It's just so hard to create a system where everyone is happy, and thus, in the process, some people are bound to be left out to "fend for themselves".
The way the school treats students differently.. it's disgusting. It's biased. I don't approve of it. But I can't do anything about it. It's life. It is just that unfair, and we gotta make the best out of it.
But you know what? I was never satisfied with life. I am going to help them. I want to help others achieve their dreams. I want to help Mikel. I want to help Jia Jun. I want to help people like them, because I believe they are entitled an equal right to pursue their dreams, even if the school and others have "given up" on them. But what can I do?
How ironic. I am barely surviving myself, yet my mind is still on seeing other people succeed. It's almost as if seeing them achieve would bring me a sense of "achievement". How weird.
I guess I am just weird all along. My inability to understand why I am doing this really intrigues me. Haha.
**********
Lesson of the day: I cannot join the marketing/public relations sector in future.
Basically, it's like this. Currently, Team GPA (my internship organization) and The Peak Magazine are organizing a charity concert to raise funds for Singapore Red Cross this year end. Mike, the marketing executive of Team GPA and also the person organizing the event, decided that since I could be of use in organizing a small portion of the thing (and to keep me out of rusting away in the laboratory), he passed me the job of planning the concert booklet and invitation cards. So I was like, OK sounds cool and I took it up.
Today, I was scheduled to meet the liaison person from the company that was going to help design the booklet and invitation cards. In addition, the Peak Magazine representative was also coming down to join in the meeting. So for the most part of the day, I was desperately trying to rush out as much content for the booklet as I could in Eva's office.
At around 3pm, our designated meeting time, Mike came in and told me that Phillane (the designer company representative) was late and some of her designer colleagues were coming in later as well. Then he added that Cindy (the Peak Magazine person) was already here and sitting at the lobby area, and was wondering if I wanted to go out and meet her. I was a bit reluctant at first (I don't like meeting new people, somehow), but then after a while I realized there was nothing much I could do sitting inside the office either, so I went out with Mike and Eva to meet Cindy.
When I saw her, I got quite a bit of a surprise. She actually caused me to realize I initially had a couple of stereotypes about these "representatives" that come out to meet people:
Stereotype 1: They are people in their early to mid-30s, and look very smart and professional that leaves a impression that you will remember.
Reality 1: She looked in her late 20s, and while she was professional, she didn't exhibit an aura that intimidates others.
Stereotype 2: They look quite normal and typical.
Reality 2: She looked pretty decent. Ahem. Maybe it's just because she's young.
So we shook hands and introduced ourselves and all that, and after that I went back to the office. 5 minutes later, Mike came in and told me that Phillane had arrived and we could start the meeting. So I was like OK great and picked up my laptop and went outside to meet her.
I can't help but say this, but she looks cute. Seriously. Plus the fact that she looks almost like a fresh graduate from university makes her look attractive somewhat. >.>
So we proceeded with the meeting and all that. The whole thing was pretty quick. Within half an hour or so, we settled our business and dispersed.
Now, I think I need to do some explaining here before some of you dismiss me as some wild despot. Although I was fully concentrating on the meeting, I couldn't help but get irritated by the fact that I occasionally can get distracted by her "cuteness". Haha. Not that it has impaired my work though (at this stage), but the experience I went through today has significant implications...
I'd imagine, if I were to do PR stuff in the future, and I have to interact with people from other organizations to discuss, say, a settlement, or bargain for a deal, then if I were to come face to face with such people, then I might be faced with a potential problem. This time, I may be able to not let such minor "nuisances" affect my work, but how can I say the same in the future? What if I get too absorbed by how pretty the other person is and in the end, get swindled or cheated or what not? Hahaha...
So conclusion, I should not do marketing. I will just get myself screwed eventually.
But then again, on second thoughts, if doing this kind of work means I get to meet really pretty girls, then hmmmmmmmmmmm.. LOL OK OK I am just kidding. ^^
********
Really. I should remain optimistic. There're so many more opportunities I've yet to explore. Haha why should I let a minor upset mess me up bad?
**********
I understand that there's a lot of hoo-hah recently about the way school gives out opportunities, and stuff. So in case you guys are thinking I am just another ungrateful bastard who is not satisfied with the amount of attention the school gives me, don't get me wrong. I am not like that.
Differential treatment. I guess I can say that I am on the end that is better off. Yet, I don't think I deserve to be better off. I think every one in this school deserves the same treatment the school has given me - to pursue their aspirations and chase their dreams. Like Ken Wei applying to Cambridge, or Jia Jun applying for Cornell, or Mikel applying to PSC, or whatever. I believe everyone should be entitled an equal right to their "pursuit of happiness". OK sounds so American but haha.
But then again we come face to face with a conflict of ideals on various fronts. The school's expectations and goals, the demands of people outside upon us (students), the needs of the 'elite' group, the limitation of resources. It's just so hard to create a system where everyone is happy, and thus, in the process, some people are bound to be left out to "fend for themselves".
The way the school treats students differently.. it's disgusting. It's biased. I don't approve of it. But I can't do anything about it. It's life. It is just that unfair, and we gotta make the best out of it.
But you know what? I was never satisfied with life. I am going to help them. I want to help others achieve their dreams. I want to help Mikel. I want to help Jia Jun. I want to help people like them, because I believe they are entitled an equal right to pursue their dreams, even if the school and others have "given up" on them. But what can I do?
How ironic. I am barely surviving myself, yet my mind is still on seeing other people succeed. It's almost as if seeing them achieve would bring me a sense of "achievement". How weird.
I guess I am just weird all along. My inability to understand why I am doing this really intrigues me. Haha.
**********
Lesson of the day: I cannot join the marketing/public relations sector in future.
Basically, it's like this. Currently, Team GPA (my internship organization) and The Peak Magazine are organizing a charity concert to raise funds for Singapore Red Cross this year end. Mike, the marketing executive of Team GPA and also the person organizing the event, decided that since I could be of use in organizing a small portion of the thing (and to keep me out of rusting away in the laboratory), he passed me the job of planning the concert booklet and invitation cards. So I was like, OK sounds cool and I took it up.
Today, I was scheduled to meet the liaison person from the company that was going to help design the booklet and invitation cards. In addition, the Peak Magazine representative was also coming down to join in the meeting. So for the most part of the day, I was desperately trying to rush out as much content for the booklet as I could in Eva's office.
At around 3pm, our designated meeting time, Mike came in and told me that Phillane (the designer company representative) was late and some of her designer colleagues were coming in later as well. Then he added that Cindy (the Peak Magazine person) was already here and sitting at the lobby area, and was wondering if I wanted to go out and meet her. I was a bit reluctant at first (I don't like meeting new people, somehow), but then after a while I realized there was nothing much I could do sitting inside the office either, so I went out with Mike and Eva to meet Cindy.
When I saw her, I got quite a bit of a surprise. She actually caused me to realize I initially had a couple of stereotypes about these "representatives" that come out to meet people:
Stereotype 1: They are people in their early to mid-30s, and look very smart and professional that leaves a impression that you will remember.
Reality 1: She looked in her late 20s, and while she was professional, she didn't exhibit an aura that intimidates others.
Stereotype 2: They look quite normal and typical.
Reality 2: She looked pretty decent. Ahem. Maybe it's just because she's young.
So we shook hands and introduced ourselves and all that, and after that I went back to the office. 5 minutes later, Mike came in and told me that Phillane had arrived and we could start the meeting. So I was like OK great and picked up my laptop and went outside to meet her.
I can't help but say this, but she looks cute. Seriously. Plus the fact that she looks almost like a fresh graduate from university makes her look attractive somewhat. >.>
So we proceeded with the meeting and all that. The whole thing was pretty quick. Within half an hour or so, we settled our business and dispersed.
Now, I think I need to do some explaining here before some of you dismiss me as some wild despot. Although I was fully concentrating on the meeting, I couldn't help but get irritated by the fact that I occasionally can get distracted by her "cuteness". Haha. Not that it has impaired my work though (at this stage), but the experience I went through today has significant implications...
I'd imagine, if I were to do PR stuff in the future, and I have to interact with people from other organizations to discuss, say, a settlement, or bargain for a deal, then if I were to come face to face with such people, then I might be faced with a potential problem. This time, I may be able to not let such minor "nuisances" affect my work, but how can I say the same in the future? What if I get too absorbed by how pretty the other person is and in the end, get swindled or cheated or what not? Hahaha...
So conclusion, I should not do marketing. I will just get myself screwed eventually.
But then again, on second thoughts, if doing this kind of work means I get to meet really pretty girls, then hmmmmmmmmmmm.. LOL OK OK I am just kidding. ^^
********
Really. I should remain optimistic. There're so many more opportunities I've yet to explore. Haha why should I let a minor upset mess me up bad?
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
Never enough
Sigh. I'm sick of this.
Maybe I should just give up all my dreams. After all, I'm just that in-between kinda guy - who's achievements are neither here nor there and don't deserve any special mention when I go up against the best of the world. No, let's not even talk about the best in the world, best in the nation maybe.
I'm just a nobody. Inferior product. Incomplete right from the start, trying to act as if I am a complete package.
No one will want me. Nobody wants something that is imperfect. Nobody wants someone who can only promise to achieve, but cannot deliver. No one will reward you just because of your willpower, because your achievements do not seem to back you up for it.
I can bravely tell everyone around me, "When there is a will, there's a way." Or, "There can be miracles, so long as I believe." But really, now that I think of it, all of these are just idealistic crap for the dreamer - stuff he tells himself to comfort the fact that he is not able to catch his dreams (or deemed to be unable to). In this world, you are either suitable, or not suitable, for anything. Be it job applications, university admissions, scholarship applications, presidential elections, etc.
I have to learn to accept the fact that my dad taught me, that no one in this world accommodates the "second best". That is the harsh fact, ladies and gentlemen. You either keep up with the game, or you will most certainly be left behind.
But as a dream-chaser, I have to chase down this aspirations of mine, no matter how incomplete I am. I may be people-oriented, but I never dared to take the risk beyond my comfort zone to help others (most of the time, at least, without expecting some form of returns). I may be hard-working, but the effort I put in dwarfs in comparison to what others expect of me. I may be careful with details, but there's bound to be someone more proficient and superior to me in organization. I may be passionate about physiology and the human anatomy, but there will be others whose dexterity skills outshine mine (if I even have any) and eventually, they will be the ones who become general practitioners, medical specialists, etc. I may have done research before, but there are truckloads of individuals who have done the same, and many more who have taken their projects to an even higher plane than I would have imagined, or did more than I could have expected myself to have done.
But I just can't help it. I know that if I want to pursue my dreams, I must race alongside the best of the best: Ones whom I know I am unable to beat, ones who will outlive, outplay and outlast me. Everytime I rise in the ranks, I always seem to discover an impassable barrier one league above me. Clearly, I am not fit enough to join the 'elites' club, no matter what others may say.
If only I could just ditch all these things and go back to leading a simpler life - this has not been the first time I've talked about this, and the urge remains strong in me. But then this time I suddenly realized something: If I were to turn back on what I've aspired to do, how would I be able to answer to the people I've shared my aspirations with? How would I explain myself before the people who have supported me all this while? That I was a coward and ran away in face of challenges? That I was too weak to stand alongside the best? That I didn't have a spine to acknowledge my own strengths and shoulder my weaknesses?
I... don't know. I just don't know.
I knew I should have kept myself quiet about all this stuff. It's no use joining the 'elite' club. I am one league below, and I must accept that fact. I should have just kept eveything between myself and the relevant authorities. I should have just listened to my heart more and not do things because other "good" people are doing it.
In their eyes, I am just a bug, a minor nuisance who is there to disturb their chances. People believe I should just step aside and let those "deserving" ones (and I acknowledge they are deserving) ascend to the next level, that I shouldn't be with them, for I will only be in the way and of no use to them.
People say it is for my own good to reconsider my choice, but then again, I wonder at what cost I would be putting myself at if I were to make the reconsiderations so last minute...
It doesn't matter. I've given enough thought. What do others understand what I am going through anyway? If I give up on myself now, who else can help me?
I've got to make a point. I'm going to prove them wrong. I've got to show that even a second-class student can chase his visions - even if I have to die trying.
I just have to keep my fingers crossed and grit my teeth hard...
Sigh, you know what, at the end of the day, I am just a sore loser who is afraid of losing face. A typical Singaporean face-loving sore loser. And that fact, well, irks me. I cannot be like that. I cannot continue living my life th way it is.
Maybe I should just give up all my dreams. After all, I'm just that in-between kinda guy - who's achievements are neither here nor there and don't deserve any special mention when I go up against the best of the world. No, let's not even talk about the best in the world, best in the nation maybe.
I'm just a nobody. Inferior product. Incomplete right from the start, trying to act as if I am a complete package.
No one will want me. Nobody wants something that is imperfect. Nobody wants someone who can only promise to achieve, but cannot deliver. No one will reward you just because of your willpower, because your achievements do not seem to back you up for it.
I can bravely tell everyone around me, "When there is a will, there's a way." Or, "There can be miracles, so long as I believe." But really, now that I think of it, all of these are just idealistic crap for the dreamer - stuff he tells himself to comfort the fact that he is not able to catch his dreams (or deemed to be unable to). In this world, you are either suitable, or not suitable, for anything. Be it job applications, university admissions, scholarship applications, presidential elections, etc.
I have to learn to accept the fact that my dad taught me, that no one in this world accommodates the "second best". That is the harsh fact, ladies and gentlemen. You either keep up with the game, or you will most certainly be left behind.
But as a dream-chaser, I have to chase down this aspirations of mine, no matter how incomplete I am. I may be people-oriented, but I never dared to take the risk beyond my comfort zone to help others (most of the time, at least, without expecting some form of returns). I may be hard-working, but the effort I put in dwarfs in comparison to what others expect of me. I may be careful with details, but there's bound to be someone more proficient and superior to me in organization. I may be passionate about physiology and the human anatomy, but there will be others whose dexterity skills outshine mine (if I even have any) and eventually, they will be the ones who become general practitioners, medical specialists, etc. I may have done research before, but there are truckloads of individuals who have done the same, and many more who have taken their projects to an even higher plane than I would have imagined, or did more than I could have expected myself to have done.
But I just can't help it. I know that if I want to pursue my dreams, I must race alongside the best of the best: Ones whom I know I am unable to beat, ones who will outlive, outplay and outlast me. Everytime I rise in the ranks, I always seem to discover an impassable barrier one league above me. Clearly, I am not fit enough to join the 'elites' club, no matter what others may say.
If only I could just ditch all these things and go back to leading a simpler life - this has not been the first time I've talked about this, and the urge remains strong in me. But then this time I suddenly realized something: If I were to turn back on what I've aspired to do, how would I be able to answer to the people I've shared my aspirations with? How would I explain myself before the people who have supported me all this while? That I was a coward and ran away in face of challenges? That I was too weak to stand alongside the best? That I didn't have a spine to acknowledge my own strengths and shoulder my weaknesses?
I... don't know. I just don't know.
I knew I should have kept myself quiet about all this stuff. It's no use joining the 'elite' club. I am one league below, and I must accept that fact. I should have just kept eveything between myself and the relevant authorities. I should have just listened to my heart more and not do things because other "good" people are doing it.
In their eyes, I am just a bug, a minor nuisance who is there to disturb their chances. People believe I should just step aside and let those "deserving" ones (and I acknowledge they are deserving) ascend to the next level, that I shouldn't be with them, for I will only be in the way and of no use to them.
People say it is for my own good to reconsider my choice, but then again, I wonder at what cost I would be putting myself at if I were to make the reconsiderations so last minute...
It doesn't matter. I've given enough thought. What do others understand what I am going through anyway? If I give up on myself now, who else can help me?
I've got to make a point. I'm going to prove them wrong. I've got to show that even a second-class student can chase his visions - even if I have to die trying.
I just have to keep my fingers crossed and grit my teeth hard...
Sigh, you know what, at the end of the day, I am just a sore loser who is afraid of losing face. A typical Singaporean face-loving sore loser. And that fact, well, irks me. I cannot be like that. I cannot continue living my life th way it is.
Sunday, September 14, 2008
Damn all the homework
Oh dear. Ros is really emo. Apart from her current obsession with Dango-Pikachu combinations, check out her 12th Sept post.
http://cyndi-secrets.blogspot.com
I tell you right, if every junior was to think this way right, our NUS High Student Leader Body HAS HOPE - at least for the next 3 years I think. LOL.
******
ARGH SCREW ALL THE HOMEWORK.
So looking forward to 7th October. =)
Oh God, I need your strength...
http://cyndi-secrets.blogspot.com
I tell you right, if every junior was to think this way right, our NUS High Student Leader Body HAS HOPE - at least for the next 3 years I think. LOL.
******
ARGH SCREW ALL THE HOMEWORK.
So looking forward to 7th October. =)
Oh God, I need your strength...
Dango!
I swear this is insanely cute:
First, watch this:
Once you've watched it, watch the 2nd one and compare:
Pikachu = Ultimate Cuteness. >.<
First, watch this:
Once you've watched it, watch the 2nd one and compare:
Pikachu = Ultimate Cuteness. >.<
Saturday, September 13, 2008
Unhealthy sleeping habits
It's been 12 weeks since semester 2 started, and it seems to me that my sleeping habits are getting from bad to worse.
Initially, I started out with sleeping at around 1am, with 2am being the latest I slept.
Now, I sleep at 3am regularly, and only have approx 3 hours of sleep - at most 4. And on Friday morning I broke my record - sleeping at 5am.
You can't believe how zonked out I was during internship. >.<
Now to get all that homework done...
Initially, I started out with sleeping at around 1am, with 2am being the latest I slept.
Now, I sleep at 3am regularly, and only have approx 3 hours of sleep - at most 4. And on Friday morning I broke my record - sleeping at 5am.
You can't believe how zonked out I was during internship. >.<
Now to get all that homework done...
Friday, September 12, 2008
I am almost done with my PS! Yes this is the last draft I swear. T.T
Oh shit. 4am. And my form still not done. HOW.
Oh shit. 4am. And my form still not done. HOW.
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
MSN screwed.
Ahh my MSN is screwed.
12 midnight... and I've yet to finalize my personal statement. Man I am pro. -.-
Still got to finish UCAS and rewrite the whole of COAF. Heh, a good way of spending the rest of my early early morning haha. xD
12 midnight... and I've yet to finalize my personal statement. Man I am pro. -.-
Still got to finish UCAS and rewrite the whole of COAF. Heh, a good way of spending the rest of my early early morning haha. xD
Pissed beyond...
I really hate to say this, but...
I am REALLY. F*CKING. PISSED.
Note: THIS POST IS PURELY A RANTING POST. UNLESS YOU WANT TO HEAR ME RANT FOR THE ENTIRE LENGTH OF THIS POST, DO NOT BOTHER READING IT.
...
...
Lets review what happened over the past few weeks, shall we?
Sometime ago, at the start of the September Holidays, Ying Zhen informed me that applicants to Cambridge were required to complete an overseas application form to be submitted on the 20th of September. As there were quite a number of materials that were required in the form, including a referee letter, personal statement, a bank draft of 45 pounds, a BMAT registration number, and a certified true copy of your high school transcript, the COAF was by no means easy to complete.
That was the beginning of all my irritations and frustrations.
You know, all of us applying to Cambridge would have a much easier time if SOMEBODY had informed us EARLIER about it. I mean, to even need a student to find this out so late and inform other students before the school authorities did is actually quite... appalling. Thank God Ying Zhen is keeping track of these stuff. I can't imagine what would have happened if she didn't.
I started off by tackling the ref letter. Thankfully, I informed Dr Seah ahead of time, so she didn't have much complaints writing the letter on such short notice. I really owe her one - and a lot more for the other letters she'll be writing for me. >.<
My frustrations mounted when there came no attempt to help any of us who were applying to Cambridge from the school. To put it simply, I was sitting at home half the time during the school holidays trawling the web on how to do this, how to do that, when clearly SOMEONE could have made my life a lot simpler by providing clear and concise instructions on what exactly I should do. And when I mean someone, I mean someone who's a professional at it (like duh), rather than me waste precious time on searching for information and what not.
Now you might be saying, "OK why don't you ask someone who's applied to Cambridge before?" Haha yeah sure - if I knew anyone who did, that would have been the first thing I did, ain't it? Unfortunately, I do not have the privilege of such a wide network of friends or acquaintences that I could keep in touch with that can better inform me about the matter. And in a sense you could say I was "lazy" to find out. But I guess that's just who I am. I didn't like the idea of finding out things through other people, unless I am dead certain they know what they are doing.
Anyway, that's not the point. With the ref letter settled, I handled the personal statement next. It took me almost a week to get the first draft for submission. In addition, I sought comments from quite a number of people, regardless of how "qualified" they are to comment about it. As I did, I continued to work on it every night to get things into the right shape. And just as when I tried uploading it onto UCAS (with 4000 characters registered in Word), it tells me my PS was 7 LINES TOO LONG. Haha. Then begins the ultimate frustration of cutting line by line to get the desired length. Painstakingly done, but done. And now I just realized I need to update and edit my personal statement again, partly because I felt it could have been improved on, but yeah this is just my personal thing.
Bank draft... wah that one was a pain in the ***. This was the first time I was applying for one, and I didn't exactly know how to get about doing it. My parents offered me some advice, but rather limited ultimately. Because of their work schedules, I had to go get the bank draft myself (which is to be expected, of course), except that I didn't figure out exactly what to do until the day before holidays ended. How brilliant, ain't it? So I had to go down to the post office to do it one fine morning (and you can kinda guess which morning it was) - to my horror, I realized I forgot where I should be sending the bank draft to. Yeah, it sorta slipped my mind then. However with a stroke of luck, there was a girl that came just before me to sign up for a bank draft to the same college I was applying to, so I just took the details of the recipient from there. Phew.
At the same time, I also went down to register for the BMAT in person at British Council. If I didn't, I wouldn't be able to get my BMAT number in time to complete my COAF. I can still remember last Sunday night, when I was just sitting at home feeling like a total idiot for not doing everything earlier (or for knowing what to do earlier). Sigh.
You know, all these things would have been considered really simple things, unless you considered some factors which I had to deal with:
1. I have internship from Wednesday to Saturday, of which I work from 9am to 6pm every day except on Saturday, of which I work half-day. And during work, I don't exactly have the liberty to do what I like, yeah?
2. Every night was spent on finding information, filling up forms, or preparing the necessary documents for applications. Otherwise, whenever I get too stressed or unfocused, I would take a couple of hours off to play DMC3 or TF2.
3. Things didn't help when my requests for help to SOMEONE via email were not replied as promptly as I would have liked it. Not sure if that person was really busy during the holidays or what not. Or I could be just ranting.
And I tell you, today is the WORST THING ever.
After internship, I left early, as pre-arranged with my boss, at 4pm. The original plan was to head off to Outram Park to attend a talk held by medical doctors of SingHealth. Unfortunately, because I needed to seek consultation for the Cambridge application thing (and someone was unfortunately not free during the days when I was in school), I had to forgo the talk and headed off to school instead. After spending one whole hour getting to school (with just 5 minutes late for my appointment), I turn up at Mr Allan's office to find the place dark and a notice saying:
"We're away at a meeting. See you tomorrow."
You can guess what was the first word I said.
I guess today was really the last straw. I've hated all of this to begin with, but never as much as now.
I can't wait to get all this shit off my hands. Seriously.
OK I am too tired from ranting already. Shall go and take my time off elsewhere, like refilling the entire COAF, or touching up my PS again.
Sigh.
******
To all the readers who've come up to this point, I am very sorry for sounding like a total bitch. I just HAVE to get this off my mind.
Trust is freely given, retracted if betrayed, and never given twice. That SOMEBODY, has just lost mine. Forever.
I am REALLY. F*CKING. PISSED.
Note: THIS POST IS PURELY A RANTING POST. UNLESS YOU WANT TO HEAR ME RANT FOR THE ENTIRE LENGTH OF THIS POST, DO NOT BOTHER READING IT.
...
...
Lets review what happened over the past few weeks, shall we?
Sometime ago, at the start of the September Holidays, Ying Zhen informed me that applicants to Cambridge were required to complete an overseas application form to be submitted on the 20th of September. As there were quite a number of materials that were required in the form, including a referee letter, personal statement, a bank draft of 45 pounds, a BMAT registration number, and a certified true copy of your high school transcript, the COAF was by no means easy to complete.
That was the beginning of all my irritations and frustrations.
You know, all of us applying to Cambridge would have a much easier time if SOMEBODY had informed us EARLIER about it. I mean, to even need a student to find this out so late and inform other students before the school authorities did is actually quite... appalling. Thank God Ying Zhen is keeping track of these stuff. I can't imagine what would have happened if she didn't.
I started off by tackling the ref letter. Thankfully, I informed Dr Seah ahead of time, so she didn't have much complaints writing the letter on such short notice. I really owe her one - and a lot more for the other letters she'll be writing for me. >.<
My frustrations mounted when there came no attempt to help any of us who were applying to Cambridge from the school. To put it simply, I was sitting at home half the time during the school holidays trawling the web on how to do this, how to do that, when clearly SOMEONE could have made my life a lot simpler by providing clear and concise instructions on what exactly I should do. And when I mean someone, I mean someone who's a professional at it (like duh), rather than me waste precious time on searching for information and what not.
Now you might be saying, "OK why don't you ask someone who's applied to Cambridge before?" Haha yeah sure - if I knew anyone who did, that would have been the first thing I did, ain't it? Unfortunately, I do not have the privilege of such a wide network of friends or acquaintences that I could keep in touch with that can better inform me about the matter. And in a sense you could say I was "lazy" to find out. But I guess that's just who I am. I didn't like the idea of finding out things through other people, unless I am dead certain they know what they are doing.
Anyway, that's not the point. With the ref letter settled, I handled the personal statement next. It took me almost a week to get the first draft for submission. In addition, I sought comments from quite a number of people, regardless of how "qualified" they are to comment about it. As I did, I continued to work on it every night to get things into the right shape. And just as when I tried uploading it onto UCAS (with 4000 characters registered in Word), it tells me my PS was 7 LINES TOO LONG. Haha. Then begins the ultimate frustration of cutting line by line to get the desired length. Painstakingly done, but done. And now I just realized I need to update and edit my personal statement again, partly because I felt it could have been improved on, but yeah this is just my personal thing.
Bank draft... wah that one was a pain in the ***. This was the first time I was applying for one, and I didn't exactly know how to get about doing it. My parents offered me some advice, but rather limited ultimately. Because of their work schedules, I had to go get the bank draft myself (which is to be expected, of course), except that I didn't figure out exactly what to do until the day before holidays ended. How brilliant, ain't it? So I had to go down to the post office to do it one fine morning (and you can kinda guess which morning it was) - to my horror, I realized I forgot where I should be sending the bank draft to. Yeah, it sorta slipped my mind then. However with a stroke of luck, there was a girl that came just before me to sign up for a bank draft to the same college I was applying to, so I just took the details of the recipient from there. Phew.
At the same time, I also went down to register for the BMAT in person at British Council. If I didn't, I wouldn't be able to get my BMAT number in time to complete my COAF. I can still remember last Sunday night, when I was just sitting at home feeling like a total idiot for not doing everything earlier (or for knowing what to do earlier). Sigh.
You know, all these things would have been considered really simple things, unless you considered some factors which I had to deal with:
1. I have internship from Wednesday to Saturday, of which I work from 9am to 6pm every day except on Saturday, of which I work half-day. And during work, I don't exactly have the liberty to do what I like, yeah?
2. Every night was spent on finding information, filling up forms, or preparing the necessary documents for applications. Otherwise, whenever I get too stressed or unfocused, I would take a couple of hours off to play DMC3 or TF2.
3. Things didn't help when my requests for help to SOMEONE via email were not replied as promptly as I would have liked it. Not sure if that person was really busy during the holidays or what not. Or I could be just ranting.
And I tell you, today is the WORST THING ever.
After internship, I left early, as pre-arranged with my boss, at 4pm. The original plan was to head off to Outram Park to attend a talk held by medical doctors of SingHealth. Unfortunately, because I needed to seek consultation for the Cambridge application thing (and someone was unfortunately not free during the days when I was in school), I had to forgo the talk and headed off to school instead. After spending one whole hour getting to school (with just 5 minutes late for my appointment), I turn up at Mr Allan's office to find the place dark and a notice saying:
"We're away at a meeting. See you tomorrow."
You can guess what was the first word I said.
I guess today was really the last straw. I've hated all of this to begin with, but never as much as now.
I can't wait to get all this shit off my hands. Seriously.
OK I am too tired from ranting already. Shall go and take my time off elsewhere, like refilling the entire COAF, or touching up my PS again.
Sigh.
******
To all the readers who've come up to this point, I am very sorry for sounding like a total bitch. I just HAVE to get this off my mind.
Trust is freely given, retracted if betrayed, and never given twice. That SOMEBODY, has just lost mine. Forever.
Monday, September 08, 2008
Lucky...?
She's so lucky, she's a star
But she cry, cry, cries in her lonely heart, thinking
If there's nothing missing in my life
Then why do these tears come at night?
...
But she cry, cry, cries in her lonely heart, thinking
If there's nothing missing in my life
Then why do these tears come at night?
...
Sunday, September 07, 2008
A haircut! Finally!
Haha so finally I decided to get my hair cut this afternoon.
This was what I looked like before:
This is what I look like now:
I didn't know I grew THAT much hair. o.O
*****
Lol. OK looks like I'll need to rewrite my personal statement. Sianz. =(
This was what I looked like before:
This is what I look like now:
I didn't know I grew THAT much hair. o.O
*****
Lol. OK looks like I'll need to rewrite my personal statement. Sianz. =(
Omg, why do I get this feeling my life's screwed up? Haha.
Oh well. I must be doing something wrong somewhere. Time to find out.
This is what happens when you receive ineffective college counselling, see. -.-
Oh well. I must be doing something wrong somewhere. Time to find out.
This is what happens when you receive ineffective college counselling, see. -.-
Saturday, September 06, 2008
SAFOS tea session
Lesson of the day: Never buy 4 slices of Ya Kun kaya-butter toast for breakfast, unless you're dead starving. >.>
Internship today was uneventful. Oh well.
Left at around 12.15pm and walked over to Raffles City Convention Centre for the SAFOS tea session. Met quite a number of Year 6 guys there, as well as a couple of familiar faces from other schools (though less than I expected). The session was quite cool I guess, especially the game part. Haha Altron and I were supposed to win the game lah, if not for the fact that all the teams ganged up on us, and finally Alex and Benedict managed to beat us over a small margin. Damn lol.
Talking to the officers there was quite useful too, I guess. Haha.
Actually, come to think of it, if I didn't want to do research or medicine (or both), I guess I wouldn't have minded going for the SAFOS. Haha. What a shame.
Internship today was uneventful. Oh well.
Left at around 12.15pm and walked over to Raffles City Convention Centre for the SAFOS tea session. Met quite a number of Year 6 guys there, as well as a couple of familiar faces from other schools (though less than I expected). The session was quite cool I guess, especially the game part. Haha Altron and I were supposed to win the game lah, if not for the fact that all the teams ganged up on us, and finally Alex and Benedict managed to beat us over a small margin. Damn lol.
Talking to the officers there was quite useful too, I guess. Haha.
Actually, come to think of it, if I didn't want to do research or medicine (or both), I guess I wouldn't have minded going for the SAFOS. Haha. What a shame.
Whee!
Whoa I stayed up till 2-3am every night for the past month or so man... this is getting really really unhealthy. I must cut the bad habit and sleep more. At the rate I am going, I'm gonna end up clocking only 3 hours of sleep every day. o.O
On the bright side, I am more or less done with my UCAS personal statement - for now. I still think my personal statement looks like writing from a 12-year-old. -.-
I can't believe I wasted 1.5 hours traveling from Bugis to Hougang. Haha. But the trip was worth it I guess. Me, Steph, Josh, Bobby, Gabriel and Jac went to JJ's house today for dinner. Was so fun haha. XD
I've laughed so much more in that span of 2 hours, compared to the past 2 weeks. =(
On the bright side, I am more or less done with my UCAS personal statement - for now. I still think my personal statement looks like writing from a 12-year-old. -.-
I can't believe I wasted 1.5 hours traveling from Bugis to Hougang. Haha. But the trip was worth it I guess. Me, Steph, Josh, Bobby, Gabriel and Jac went to JJ's house today for dinner. Was so fun haha. XD
I've laughed so much more in that span of 2 hours, compared to the past 2 weeks. =(
Thursday, September 04, 2008
I am still hating my personal statement..
I shall start off with the classic introductory line: I hate uni/scholarship applications.
******
Wah internship is now so zzzzzzzzzzzzzz. Hopefully I'll find myself something to do over tomorrow and Saturday.. haha.
******
Someone showed me this article about Sarah Palin, the Republican VP candidate and I found it, well, quite amusing.
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080903/ap_on_el_pr/cvn_palin_iraq_war
...
So, dear Sarah wants to mix God's religion with her personal politics huh. Haha. Very. Very. Interesting.
I wonder what happened to professional ethics in USA politics man.
Regardless, I still think both sides (Republican and Democrat) are equally messed up. No point actually choosing one side over the other, really.
But, my vote (if I had one) still goes to Obama and the Democrats though. Even if he doesn't have stuff like concrete policies and what not, he's nevertheless an excellent and charismatic speaker (unlike our dear old friend McCain). If Obama gets presidency in USA, then well, those guys there better pray hard that the Parliament he forms is a strong one.
On a side note, it would be really interesting to see an America with a Black as a President.. heh heh. Maybe we'll get a chance to witness another presidential assassination? =O
******
I realized just how badly I want to go out with friends when all these modules crap are over. Haha. >.<
******
I have ditched Firefox, thanks to the messed up webpages I keep getting when I use it. IE remains out of the option for me, even if it loads up pages with no problems. So I've switched to GOOGLE CHROME.
Thank Mikel for sharing it with me!
Here's the link to download Google's new beta web browser:
http://www.google.com/chrome
Simpler, cleaner, loads faster, and no-frill browser - just the way I like it.
Of course, if you're still hooked onto your Firefox add-ons, don't bother jumping over to Chrome. You'll be disappointed haha.
******
Wah internship is now so zzzzzzzzzzzzzz. Hopefully I'll find myself something to do over tomorrow and Saturday.. haha.
******
Someone showed me this article about Sarah Palin, the Republican VP candidate and I found it, well, quite amusing.
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080903/ap_on_el_pr/cvn_palin_iraq_war
...
So, dear Sarah wants to mix God's religion with her personal politics huh. Haha. Very. Very. Interesting.
I wonder what happened to professional ethics in USA politics man.
Regardless, I still think both sides (Republican and Democrat) are equally messed up. No point actually choosing one side over the other, really.
But, my vote (if I had one) still goes to Obama and the Democrats though. Even if he doesn't have stuff like concrete policies and what not, he's nevertheless an excellent and charismatic speaker (unlike our dear old friend McCain). If Obama gets presidency in USA, then well, those guys there better pray hard that the Parliament he forms is a strong one.
On a side note, it would be really interesting to see an America with a Black as a President.. heh heh. Maybe we'll get a chance to witness another presidential assassination? =O
******
I realized just how badly I want to go out with friends when all these modules crap are over. Haha. >.<
******
I have ditched Firefox, thanks to the messed up webpages I keep getting when I use it. IE remains out of the option for me, even if it loads up pages with no problems. So I've switched to GOOGLE CHROME.
Thank Mikel for sharing it with me!
Here's the link to download Google's new beta web browser:
http://www.google.com/chrome
Simpler, cleaner, loads faster, and no-frill browser - just the way I like it.
Of course, if you're still hooked onto your Firefox add-ons, don't bother jumping over to Chrome. You'll be disappointed haha.
Wednesday, September 03, 2008
I envisioned NUSHS to be...
Wah my blog is actually quite easy to find on Google man... if you just type "A*STAR NSS-BS" into the Google search, my blog post comes out THIRD, right after A*STAR website itself. T.T
I wonder who, and what kind, of people read my blog... this is SCARY.
**********
Hmm, since I have some time, and I don't wanna jump into the Cambridge forms again, and I am in no mood to start on math journal, so I shall do a post about my past vision of NUS High School. I'm not sure if I've mentioned them somewhere on my blog in the past, but I shall do a summarized version here:
*****
I ENVISIONED NUS HIGH SCHOOL TO BE:
A school of diversity, where minds at extreme ends come into contact, where ideas of various nature and backgrounds get exchanged and shared by enthusiastic individuals who, although each believe strongly in their personal stance, are ready to listen to others and make compromises to come to an agreement. In diversity, the students, all whom possess creative and sharp minds, are able to meet and engage in highly intellectual conversations when the time arises, and at the same time, have fun while they are at it.
I ENVISIONED NUS HIGH SCHOOL TO BE:
A community of individuals who are passionate about their hobbies and interests, yet at the same time compassionate towards others and the society. While the title of the school may mislead people into thinking that the NUS High School student is a die-hard fan of science (i.e. science nerd), the student is actually quite the contuary. An NUS High School student is one with a broad range of interests, and is ready to challenge existing interests and look for new ones. Interests may span from sciences to arts to personal development to sports. At the same time, these students remain compassionate towards people around them, spreading love and concern regardless of whether they will be reciprocation. Selflessness is the key, and everyone has no qualms about sharing and caring.
I ENVISIONED NUS HIGH SCHOOL TO BE:
A group of highly intelligent, yet cultured and refined youth - youngsters that are fresh in the field of the adult world, yet are mature and composed when compared to others of the same age group. Students whose not only smarter than the rest, but more refined than the norm. While leeway can be made for the oddballs here and there, all students maintain the basic ability to interact with others and leave the impression among others that students from NUS High School are "one notch above the ordinary - both in science and beyond".
And most importantly...
I ENVISIONED NUS HIGH SCHOOL TO BE:
A school with a strong emphasis on character development. A place where seniors lead by example and juniors look up to them and give them due respect when necessary. A place where true leadership is bred among candidates of high potential, and not made a mockery of by individuals who are chasing it for portfolio. A place where students respect their teachers, and vice versa. A place where students know where they stand in a group and know what they should say and what not to. A school that moulds every one into individuals with a strong sense of morals and values. An institution that values its students' maturation in the mind as much as in the heart.
...
I've a lot more actually, but I don't feel like writing everything out. That will require multiple chapters in a book I think.
******
Now ladies and gentlemen, I leave you to figure out how much of my expectations has been met by NUS High School, though I must admit that looking back, some of my expectations does seem a tad too idealistic..
I wonder who, and what kind, of people read my blog... this is SCARY.
**********
Hmm, since I have some time, and I don't wanna jump into the Cambridge forms again, and I am in no mood to start on math journal, so I shall do a post about my past vision of NUS High School. I'm not sure if I've mentioned them somewhere on my blog in the past, but I shall do a summarized version here:
*****
I ENVISIONED NUS HIGH SCHOOL TO BE:
A school of diversity, where minds at extreme ends come into contact, where ideas of various nature and backgrounds get exchanged and shared by enthusiastic individuals who, although each believe strongly in their personal stance, are ready to listen to others and make compromises to come to an agreement. In diversity, the students, all whom possess creative and sharp minds, are able to meet and engage in highly intellectual conversations when the time arises, and at the same time, have fun while they are at it.
I ENVISIONED NUS HIGH SCHOOL TO BE:
A community of individuals who are passionate about their hobbies and interests, yet at the same time compassionate towards others and the society. While the title of the school may mislead people into thinking that the NUS High School student is a die-hard fan of science (i.e. science nerd), the student is actually quite the contuary. An NUS High School student is one with a broad range of interests, and is ready to challenge existing interests and look for new ones. Interests may span from sciences to arts to personal development to sports. At the same time, these students remain compassionate towards people around them, spreading love and concern regardless of whether they will be reciprocation. Selflessness is the key, and everyone has no qualms about sharing and caring.
I ENVISIONED NUS HIGH SCHOOL TO BE:
A group of highly intelligent, yet cultured and refined youth - youngsters that are fresh in the field of the adult world, yet are mature and composed when compared to others of the same age group. Students whose not only smarter than the rest, but more refined than the norm. While leeway can be made for the oddballs here and there, all students maintain the basic ability to interact with others and leave the impression among others that students from NUS High School are "one notch above the ordinary - both in science and beyond".
And most importantly...
I ENVISIONED NUS HIGH SCHOOL TO BE:
A school with a strong emphasis on character development. A place where seniors lead by example and juniors look up to them and give them due respect when necessary. A place where true leadership is bred among candidates of high potential, and not made a mockery of by individuals who are chasing it for portfolio. A place where students respect their teachers, and vice versa. A place where students know where they stand in a group and know what they should say and what not to. A school that moulds every one into individuals with a strong sense of morals and values. An institution that values its students' maturation in the mind as much as in the heart.
...
I've a lot more actually, but I don't feel like writing everything out. That will require multiple chapters in a book I think.
******
Now ladies and gentlemen, I leave you to figure out how much of my expectations has been met by NUS High School, though I must admit that looking back, some of my expectations does seem a tad too idealistic..
Tuesday, September 02, 2008
LHC RAP
Oh shit. Now my UCAS personal statement is too long. Freaking brilliant.
So much for thinking of writing those essays for Common App and for the individual universities...
I still think my personal statement is full of crap.
Gah. What to do...
******
OK JJ just showed me this. I HAVE TO PUT THIS UP.
Dedicated to everyone who loves particle physics:
Oh yeah...
So much for thinking of writing those essays for Common App and for the individual universities...
I still think my personal statement is full of crap.
Gah. What to do...
******
OK JJ just showed me this. I HAVE TO PUT THIS UP.
Dedicated to everyone who loves particle physics:
Oh yeah...
Clannad, and some after-thoughts.
Finished watching Clannad. I like the theme of Clannad, which is "family". Very sweet.
And you know what? I like episode 24 the best. I don't care what everyone else thinks, but Tomoya X Tomoyo >> Tomoya X Nagisa. Their relationship is more... exciting. XD
Still, Nagisa remains the main heroine, and Clannad: After Story is still based on her ending. Sigh. That's just too bad.
Actually, I've a reason for saying why episode 24 is the best - apart from me preferring Tomoyo to Nagisa. It's the final conversation in the snow between Tomoya and Tomoyo that struck me the most.
A quick summary: Tomoya is a school delinquent, whereas Tomoyo is the school student council president. Because Tomoya helped her in the elections, she fell in love with him and they started dating. However, because of their different "status", Tomoya was forced to break up with Tomoyo, in order to not "drag her down and let her achieve her goals". At the end of the episode, she finally achieves her goals of preserving the sakura trees, but upon meeting Tomoya along a road on a snowy day, tells him that in the process, she has sacrificed time spent with him. Tomoyo then realizes that no matter how high she flies, she knows being with Tomoya is something that can't be replaced by anything else. Despite Tomoya's objections, she made a vow to go wherever Tomoya goes, effectively throwing aside her higher education overseas for him.
Like, wow.
But don't get the wrong idea. I don't think it's a very good idea for girls to be ditching their education for guys. Not worth it, serious.
The thing that struck me most, however, is the fact that if Tomoyo were to choose to go overseas for university education, she would not be able to see Tomoya ever again.
And I see that coming in our high school graduation as well.
When we Year 6s graduate, we're all going to different places:
All the Singaporean guys will be sent off to NS, where we'll be further split into our separate vocations. Some of us will be good enough to enter OCS, some SISPEC, and the rest taking up other vocations in the Army, Navy or Air Force. If we're lucky, we'll be in the same company, even platoon, for BMT, but only God knows where we go to after that. Well, looking on the bright side, at least most of us will still be within 40km of each other.
What about the non-Singaporean guys, like Long, Abi, Tan Li, etc? They'll probably go ahead with university education - be it locally or overseas - and by the time the Singaporeans return, they'll be at least 2 years ahead already. Haha.
The girls... better still, they get to leave immediately after graduation. Wait, lets not even talk about graduation, some people have even left before that to go overseas, and I am not sure when we'll get to see them again. The rest who've waited 4 long years to pick up the NUSHS Diploma would thereafter head off in various directions. Some will go to UK - places like Cambridge, Oxford, UCL, ICL, etc. Some will go to US universities, like the Ivy League schools, MIT, CIT, Duke, Carnegie Mellon, Stanford, UCLA, UC-Berk, etc. Some might head off to Australia, and the rest most probably to NUS or the other local universities.
Our cohort is so small, yet everyone is going to split off in so many different directions. It's quite hard to imagine that today, everyone is within 2 hour drive from each other, but within a span of 1 year, some of our friends would have moved on to the other side of the world...
And I think not even God will know whether they will come back.
I sat there, motionless, watching the scene replay in my head.
Now I know. Now I understand. I am really going to miss some people after I graduate... sigh. I wonder if I will ever see these people again after they're gone.
Oh well, all the more we should treasure our remaining time together, huh. =)
***
But how do you treasure your time with friends when you've freaking scholarship and university applications to worry about? Gah this is so stupid. Seriously.
And you know what? I like episode 24 the best. I don't care what everyone else thinks, but Tomoya X Tomoyo >> Tomoya X Nagisa. Their relationship is more... exciting. XD
Still, Nagisa remains the main heroine, and Clannad: After Story is still based on her ending. Sigh. That's just too bad.
Actually, I've a reason for saying why episode 24 is the best - apart from me preferring Tomoyo to Nagisa. It's the final conversation in the snow between Tomoya and Tomoyo that struck me the most.
A quick summary: Tomoya is a school delinquent, whereas Tomoyo is the school student council president. Because Tomoya helped her in the elections, she fell in love with him and they started dating. However, because of their different "status", Tomoya was forced to break up with Tomoyo, in order to not "drag her down and let her achieve her goals". At the end of the episode, she finally achieves her goals of preserving the sakura trees, but upon meeting Tomoya along a road on a snowy day, tells him that in the process, she has sacrificed time spent with him. Tomoyo then realizes that no matter how high she flies, she knows being with Tomoya is something that can't be replaced by anything else. Despite Tomoya's objections, she made a vow to go wherever Tomoya goes, effectively throwing aside her higher education overseas for him.
Like, wow.
But don't get the wrong idea. I don't think it's a very good idea for girls to be ditching their education for guys. Not worth it, serious.
The thing that struck me most, however, is the fact that if Tomoyo were to choose to go overseas for university education, she would not be able to see Tomoya ever again.
And I see that coming in our high school graduation as well.
When we Year 6s graduate, we're all going to different places:
All the Singaporean guys will be sent off to NS, where we'll be further split into our separate vocations. Some of us will be good enough to enter OCS, some SISPEC, and the rest taking up other vocations in the Army, Navy or Air Force. If we're lucky, we'll be in the same company, even platoon, for BMT, but only God knows where we go to after that. Well, looking on the bright side, at least most of us will still be within 40km of each other.
What about the non-Singaporean guys, like Long, Abi, Tan Li, etc? They'll probably go ahead with university education - be it locally or overseas - and by the time the Singaporeans return, they'll be at least 2 years ahead already. Haha.
The girls... better still, they get to leave immediately after graduation. Wait, lets not even talk about graduation, some people have even left before that to go overseas, and I am not sure when we'll get to see them again. The rest who've waited 4 long years to pick up the NUSHS Diploma would thereafter head off in various directions. Some will go to UK - places like Cambridge, Oxford, UCL, ICL, etc. Some will go to US universities, like the Ivy League schools, MIT, CIT, Duke, Carnegie Mellon, Stanford, UCLA, UC-Berk, etc. Some might head off to Australia, and the rest most probably to NUS or the other local universities.
Our cohort is so small, yet everyone is going to split off in so many different directions. It's quite hard to imagine that today, everyone is within 2 hour drive from each other, but within a span of 1 year, some of our friends would have moved on to the other side of the world...
And I think not even God will know whether they will come back.
I sat there, motionless, watching the scene replay in my head.
Now I know. Now I understand. I am really going to miss some people after I graduate... sigh. I wonder if I will ever see these people again after they're gone.
Oh well, all the more we should treasure our remaining time together, huh. =)
***
But how do you treasure your time with friends when you've freaking scholarship and university applications to worry about? Gah this is so stupid. Seriously.
Monday, September 01, 2008
Reminescing
Whew, finally done uploading my pictures from ISBE 2008. I think I will continue uploading Yu Heng's tomorrow or the day after.
Gee, I just realized that the COAF is due in less than 2 weeks. Thank God Ying Zhen informed me... otherwise I would have missed the deadline. >.<
Gah. Really looks like uni applications are a lot of work. No wonder so many people decided to take the easier way out and apply for local universities. To quote NUS, you get a "global education right at home".
I am so tempted to ditch all my dreams of doing medicine in Singapore and going to the States to have a fun time during my undergraduate years you know. Guess this is what it means when people say doing medicine involves a lot of commitment, and a lot of sacrifice... *sobs*
For the greater good!
Gee, I just realized that the COAF is due in less than 2 weeks. Thank God Ying Zhen informed me... otherwise I would have missed the deadline. >.<
Gah. Really looks like uni applications are a lot of work. No wonder so many people decided to take the easier way out and apply for local universities. To quote NUS, you get a "global education right at home".
I am so tempted to ditch all my dreams of doing medicine in Singapore and going to the States to have a fun time during my undergraduate years you know. Guess this is what it means when people say doing medicine involves a lot of commitment, and a lot of sacrifice... *sobs*
For the greater good!
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